We are sorry to hear that your son's cancer has reached stage 4, and that chemo and immunotherapy have not halted progression.
At some point, while hoping a breakthrough will happen, it becomes reasonable to determine, with the treating doctor(s) if it has become time to consider quality of life issues as well as preservation of life. This is never an easy discussion.
Your mention the need to visit the ER for major headaches seems to indicate that additional planning for the possible (and expected) side effects of stage 4 cancer continuing on its course.
Without abandoning possible treatments or hope, can his doctors also focus on keeping him comfortable at home as much as possible ? Keeping the patient comfortable IS part of the care that should be provided; the patients caregiver may need to remind and request comfort care.
I attach a link to an article from the National Cancer Institute titled 'End of life Care for Patients Who Have Cancer". The article speaks to issues of patient care and care FOR the caregivers. I hope this will offer some insight as to what assistance may be possible to help maintain quality of life.
6/2015 HG Papillary & CIS
3 Years and 30 BCG/BCG+Inf
Tis CIS comes back.
BC clear as of 5/17 !
RCC found in my one & only kidney 10/17
Begin Chemo; Cisplatin and Gemzar
8/18 begin Chemo# 3
Begin year 4 with cis
2/19 Chemo #4
9/19 NED again
1/2020 CIS is back
Tried Keytruda, stopped by side effects
Workin on a new plan for 2021
My son who is 47 has stage 4 bladder cancer and bone cancer. He just found out his last petscan said his chemo, immunotherapy, has not helped. His cancer has spread to many different areas. He is now on a once a week target therapy for 6 weeks. He has been experiencing major headaches and I have to take him to ER for treatment. Has your Dad ever experienced severe headaches?