Fatigue or depression?

Hello Old Engineer,

Thanks for the ideas. Up until his hip broke from the metastasis my husband exercised daily. Our big splurge after he recovered from having his bladder removed was to buy a continuous pool (an exercise pool that has a current you swim against). He used this or our treadmill daily. So, luckily, he enjoys exercising.

Back when he had his bladder removed, he followed your strategy to a T. I actually thought that he went back to exercising too quickly, but he was so motivated to get better that he really pushed himself. But, now..... And, how do I help get him up and moving without being a nagging wife? I don't want to turn into one of those.

I think if he would just walk across the house a couple times daily, that would help get him out of his funk.

I will say that he was better yesterday and today...just about a full two weeks after his last chemo. unfortunately, we go back for round three tomorrow morning, so we will be back to square one when we get home on Tuesday night.

RD - just a thought for you and your husband to consider; it may or may not be relevant, you be the judge of that.

I am not in the same situation as your husband so I am reluctant to even suggest this, but it has worked for me over the past nine years; I am 64; was diagnosed with coronary artery disease in 2006, and have tried to find a way to exercise consistently since then that is not boring. In other words - relevant to your husband's situation - to walk consistently and for relatively long distances.

Here is what I did.

All of my walking is on a treadmill - thus I do not have to worry about weather, cars, dogs, uneven pavement, insects, etc. My treadmill has a platform in front of me on which I can place my laptop computer. So - I walk at a modest pace - between 2 and 2.6 miles per hour - and either surf the internet reading what is interesting to me; or do work (I am retired but now consult part time); or play video games, usually strategy games and especially those simulating World War II (one of my areas of long-standing interest).

How much walking do I get in? I have averaged over 6 miles per day over the past nine years. My personal high was 19 miles in a single day. I had to get orthotics because my feet were getting sore.

My point in all of this is just that walking by itself can be boring, as most exercises are, so I tried to link it to something I enjoyed doing - like playing video games or reading - and the miles just "melted away" as I pursued those activities.

Just a thought. I certainly wish the best to you and your husband.

Thanks Sara Ann for your quick reply.

Fortunately, the chemo is working. He is doing so much better than before he began treatment. The weird cancer smell is gone (I have a super sensitive nose, so I can smell when there are changes), his eyes and his color are better, he has more strength, and the pain in his hip is managed quite well. And, his blood tests and CAT scans show significant improvement. So I don't think we are ready for hospice at this time. I really do think that if I can get him up and moving his mood will improve. And, thank goodness he has only two more rounds of chemo. So, if he (we) can keep our sights on November, when it will all be over (for now at least) perhaps it will be easier to pull through.

I am interested in your comment about our social worker. I didn't know that we are supposed to have one. I will be sure to ask the doctor tomorrow.

My husband's cancer spread to his hip bone and lymph nodes (see my previous post "Again and again, and again" for details). He had radiation treatment of the bone which has helped, but not as much as we had expected. He is getting chemo at Vanderbilt University's Ingram Cancer Center and will have his third round of chemo on Monday and Tuesday next week.

One of the biggest problems he has had with the chemo is extreme fatigue (though the first round hit him so hard he ended up in the emergency room). He spends his days in bed or on the couch and won't even go sit in the porch where he always used to sit and read in the past. It is so bad that I'm pretty sure he has developed bed sores on his rear end which we will have to bring to the doctor's attention on Monday. The tthing is, I can tell by looking at him that he is doing well enough to get up and do little things. But he insists that he is too fatigued to try. When he had his kidney removed and then later when he had his bladder removed, he forced himself to walk multiple times daily. But now, nothing.

My assumption is that he is depressed and that this is why he is no longer motivated to try to move. He denies this and I could see how he might be experiencing his depression as fatigue. However, I also know that fatigue is one of the biggest symptoms with each of the chemo meds he is receiving. So, the last thing I want to do is to act as if the the fatigue is not real when I know it is. So, I guess I can't figure out whether it is a depression based lack of motivation or is it really extreme fatigue.

Anyway, I am frustrated, worried, and now that I see bed sores - I hate to say it - I am angry with him for letting it get this far. And, then I feel guilty as heck for feeling angry.

I think I am just venting, but if anyone has advice to share, I would love to hear from you.