Brother w/ stage 4 in denial

Hi Sara Anne,
Thank you for the kind words. I have thought about Hospice, but I thought that one of the requirements was that the client had to be only receiving palliative care, not treatment? My brother probably would not accept that as an option. I will, however,contact them for my benefit. It's really only a matter of time (very short) before he'll need 24 hr care. I will go to TX at that time to take care of him.
Unfortunately this is not my first time at the BC rodeo. My father was dx'ed with the same thing in 2004. He was not a candidate for chemo due to his age and health. I was the primary caregiver when he was put into hospice. He passed away 3 days later, but not from the BC. We suspect he had a blood clot in his lungs after his surgery to remove 3/4's of the bladder. There's no autopsy when one is in hospice. He was bedridden,very alert, not on any pain meds yet, and also in deep, deep, denial.
My brother is just as stubborn as my dad but is deteriorating rapidly. I'm sure he'll continue to fight up until his last breath. I just need to be there to make sure he doesn't hurt himself getting out of bed, or hurt anyone else by driving while medicated.
Our family handles crises with humor. My bro told me he wasn't sure he wanted me to take care of him because I don't have a very good track record. My mother also passed away at home after having a massive stroke and I was the one she called before she died. I was the one to call 911, and be there when she passed away. I guess my bro's right!
Anyway, thank you again. I'm so glad to have found this forum.
Julie

Hi, My brother is 61, diagnosed w/ stage 4 bladder cancer and prostate cancer in Dec 2010. CT scans showed lesions on his liver and spine. He's on hormone therapy for the prostate. He underwent chemo and radiation and the lesions on the liver diminished. He finished radiation about 2 wks ago and during that time he had horrible pain in his legs. He was so weak he couldn't get out of bed for 3 days. He was able to get to an appointment for Nupogen(?) shot, at which time he was able to get an appt to see the oncologist. The doc hospitalized him last Tues. He had CT, MRI and bone marrow biopsy. The prognosis is that the BC has spread to his hip, femur and is back on his liver. One of his lumbar vertebra is cracked due to the BC. The doc's recommended that he have a pin put in his hip to help prevent his hip from breaking, but he's convinced that opening him up will only cause trouble. The doctors told him in Dec that his prognosis was not good. They told him last Thursday that his prognosis was not good. My brother is convinced that he's going to beat this cancer. I admire his optimism but it worries me too. I live in NC, he lives alone in TX. His wife left him about 3 wks ago, said she couldn't handle his disease. My sister lives in the same town as him and tries her best to look in on him, but she's got a lot of emotional issues and is not reliable. I am afraid that because of his denial, he's putting himself at risk for serious injury. He won't use his walker, he drives while wearing a morphine patch and taking oxycodone. He could slip, break his hip and lay dying on the floor because no one has checked in on him. I need advice! Is it possible to make someone in denial see reality? I don't want him to curl up in a ball and whimper in the corner, but I need him to face the reality that he cannot do things the way he used to, he's probably in his garage right now, putting in a transmission or something! Although I doubt he has the strength. Please someone, tell me how I should handle this? Am I over reacting?
Julie