Trying to remain strong

16 years 1 month ago #13481 by Gene Beane
Replied by Gene Beane on topic Trying to remain strong
I agree with Renee Warren, I always look for you to pop in here and there, its always worth the wait.. Ginger

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16 years 1 month ago #13479 by Renee
Replied by Renee on topic Trying to remain strong
Thank you for those words Warren, that was a very lovely reply.
Renee

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16 years 1 month ago #13470 by wsilberstein
Replied by wsilberstein on topic Trying to remain strong
Dear Sam,
The question to which nobody has an answer. When my mother, who was a vigorous, independent, 83 year old developed leukemia, she never complained. She became so weak she had to move into assisted living. Just before that I found her sitting on her bed crying and she asked, "How could such a terrible thing happen to such as nice person as me?" Remembering that moment still brings tears to my eyes. 3 years later I still miss her terribly. The pain of our loss never completely goes away. While we find joy in our lives, there is always someone important missing. But for them, with their bodies so ravaged by their illness and no way back, death was a blessed release.
It seems that it takes the first year to deal with our own grief, and the second to deal with the fact that they're never coming back, and then finally we come to terms with the emptiness by celebrating the joy we had together.
I've gone over my mother's final days in my head so often and asked myself so many "what ifs?" and I have to remind myself that she was better to leave us as she did since the alternatives were not pretty.

-Warren
TaG3 + CIS 12/2000. TURB + Mitomycin C (No BCG)
Urethral stricture, urethroplasty 10/2009
CIS 11/2010 treated with BCG. CIS 5/2012 treated with BCG/interferon
T1G3 1/2013. Radical Cystectomy 3/5/2013, No invasive cancer. CIS in right ureter.
Incontinent. AUS implant 2/2014. AUS explant 5/2014
Pediatrician

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16 years 1 month ago #13465 by Gene Beane
Replied by Gene Beane on topic Trying to remain strong
Wow Sam, what a family,,, I do have one suggestion, make a photo album of your mom, including the pictures from your last trip, maybe add some of those little captions, keep it in the family room. You are fortuneate to have a large family, your loss is so great, your mom will miss much in the lives of her children and grandchildren. How is your dad at this point?? I SAW A COUNSELOR AFTER MY DAD PASSED, IT HELPED ME A GREAT DEAL. You may want to do that at some time. I know I cried for 2 months, walking around the house in my flannel pants and tee shirts. I couldn't get passed it, I went over it and over it in my mind. What is your situation, are you married, with all the granchilren some of them must be yours?? anyone at home with dad....Ginger

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16 years 1 month ago #13464 by sam77th
Replied by sam77th on topic Trying to remain strong
me and my sisters are 30 ,29 and 28.my dad is 50.all 8 grand children r 12,10,9,8,8,6,5,and 3.5 boys and 3 girls.

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16 years 1 month ago #13463 by sam77th
Replied by sam77th on topic Trying to remain strong
yes it was a major cancer center roswell park cancer inst. in buffalo, new york.the doctors recommended rc cause it was so aggressive and and high grade.after her second turb it already grew back bigger and was about to block one of her kidneys.dr guru and kim were very shocked when it spread like that after her r/c.he said he only saw this in 2 other cases.it never went through the muscle they said it jumped,which i do not understand,maybe someone on this site knows something about this.still confusing and hard ...

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