This is where we are and some questions

Hi Juliann,
I saw my name mentioned regarding the question:” chemo or no chemo”. It is a difficult decision to make and of course, the final decision is up to the patient. I remember that my husband, Hans, and I talked about it, and Hans decided against it. I believe the decision has not much to do with the will to live, giving in to life or giving up hope. I think it has more to do with the diagnosis of the cancer( and this will be for everybody different), with weighing the facts and being able and willing to accept what is coming( and ultimately death). When I posted the question in 2006, the majority of the answers were in two groups that you have to fight the cancer and chemo may be successful. I know that there are people with very good results fighting it, even when the odds were against them, but percentage-wise there are only a few. Back in 2006, I did a lot of research after we found out that it was in the lymph nodes, and after talking to the oncologist, who didn't give him much hope. The research didn't really give us conclusive evidence that chemo would help with his diagnosis. Going through chemo is tough in most cases and we were not sure if it was worth it. Hans would gain maybe another 3 to 6 months, but at what cost?? Hans accepted his fate “ it is not the quantity, but the quality that counts”, he said. By doing so, he became very peaceful and I think the experience became very healing for him. I believe the last 6 months became the best year of his life. He didn’t give up hope, he enjoyed every moment and his long struggle with depression lifted. You can look up the good- bye letter he wrote if it helps to read his perspective on the last few months of his life in the In Memoriam section.
I just wanted to share this viewpoint, which is not shared by many it seems.
I hope it helps.
Renée

I just wanted to let Sam know that I created a thread for him in the Metastic Section called "Trying to Remain Strong."

Juliann,

You are in a tough position. All of us are affected differently and we just don't know until we go there. I will tell you that before I started chemo, I asked to talk with someone who was undergoing chemo and who had a portacath so I could better understand what I could expect.

My spouse went back with me to the Infusion Room. I talked to a gal who had been fighting breast cancer for several years...she was rather upbeat and made me feel more comfortable about the idea. My spouse left two minutes after entering the room...he couldn't handle the sight nor the smells of the room. He could not understand why I wasn't disturbed by the odors or the view...some individuals looked worn out and ravaged. I did not notice any of that because I was looking for the positive...there were brave, noble souls there who were doing the best they could and they were trying to help others feel comforable by sharing their story about cancer. I felt encouraged while my spouse was scared.

I did my three courses of MVAC and did rather well, I think, but I know others don't handle it as well...also I was 56 and I do think age was still on my side. I have to say I did see some who were possibly in their mid 70's or early 80's and I do not believe I could go through it at that stage of life.

When my mother was diagnosed with cancer about 20 years ago...she was in her early 70's....she didn't know what to do....she had lung and bone cancer and the surgeon wanted to operate on her. She hd already been through radiation. I asked her lung specialist what he would do if it were his mother and he told me that he would not choose surgery because it would only add six months to my mother's life and the pain resulting from the surgery would make the quality of her life less than it already was. So we opted not to have the surgery. She lived another 18 months before cancer took her from us. Quality of life to me has always been key when discussing such serious medical concerns.

In regard to the "will to live"...well, I have my in-laws who are 86 and 89. I do think the desire to live does make a difference but at some point our organs just wear out and no matter how strong our desire to live, we are human and can't live forever. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with superficial cancer at age 52, fought cancer off for years with various treatments, at age 81 was in surgery for a neo-bladder. Her heart stopped during the surgery and so they were not able to complete their work...she has worn depends since, changing them every 2-3 hours around the clock. While I was in surgery last July getting my Indiana Pouch, she was in surgery because one of her kidneys shut down. The doctors now have found a tumor on one of the kidneys but they can't operate. They didn't think she would make it to Christmas but hey, at age 89, she is still with us and still doing most of what she wants to do.

Well, I don't know if any of my thoughts help you any, but hope that you and your mom find peace with whatever route she decides to take. I think it is so important to be at peace with whatever decision is made. And I think peace comes from feeling empowered to make that decision yourself...not having the doctors make it for you.
Take care...you both are in my prayers. Melodie

Juliann, I believe Renees story is in the storyboards, take a look,,also in memoriam. Ginger

Ok, I removed my foot and will try to keep it at bay! I was looking around and found a post from Renee back in 2006. I realize her husband has passed, but the old post was when he was trying to decide whether to take treatment and it sounded so familiar. Is her entire journey here anywhere?

Julieann and all -- From my own experience I can say that sometimes chemotherapy
doesn't work to kill the cancer or stop its growth/spread. In my case, my tumor has
"sarcomartoid features" known to resist systemic treatments (such as chemotherapy).
When I began chemotherapy, I presumed it would "work" at least a little. Asking questions about what proportion of cases show positive response or complete response
now seems like a good idea to me if people are considering chemotherapy. The
Rational Therapeutics approach to testing also seems -- well, rational on the face of it -- tailoring treatment to the tumor.

I can't guess whether or not the offered chemotherapy would work for your mama, of course -- And I hope it would if chosen -- Susan