My bladder cancer history by MSSMR (a start)

Susan,

Sharing is a wonderful way to pay forward our knowledge and our willingness to help others. We all have been in the situation where others around us don't understand. Therefore the forum. I hope your gift continues on.
On the posting question , we are more likely to catch if it you make a new post, but I am always looking for news from you so I keep a watchful eye my friend.
Ginger

To Ginger, Wendy, Peggy, Marcus, Karen and all the warriers and caregivers
in mutual support here. Being in the EDAG frame of mind really helps me.
When I wake up in the morning (from my perspective, when G-D wakes me up in the morning) and I feel well or pretty well, I'm so thankful for the GIFT.)

Still, of course there's an underlying terror -- I read medical literature a lot.
I know the statistics. The "what to expect" about which Peggy asks, though, is harder to discern -- which is one reason I hope we can have the courage to persist in sharing our stories, though journeys will differ.

Also, though I'm pretty good at "feelng as well as I can," I need to acknowledge that my mind-body interactions contributed to my extremely delayed diagnosis --
in addition to issues with medical personnel and procedures.

Though I have my CT scan tomorrow, I do not know when I'll learn the results.
It might be as soon as this TH or, possibly, not until the following week. When I hear, though, I'll either post to this thread or start a new topic -- I'm leaning toward continuing here though -- does anyone have an opinion about that?

Thank you, everybody -- Susan

Susan,
I am so glad I was able to convince you to post your story here on the cafe. You are a inspiration to all, this weekend you will be making many memories, another story of life, and you live it well. We can all learn from your courage!

Ginger Beane

Dear Susan,
I"m glad you are feeling so well. Enjoy your son's wedding and all the good things around it, it sounds like it will be wonderful! I hope the scan results add to your happiness.

Keep it up, you're doing a fantastic job at dealing with everything, I stand in awe.
Hugs,
Wendy

I have now been receiving taxol and gemzar since late November and am scheduled for CT scans this coming Tuesday to assess response. This time, I haven't told any family members, though I will certainly share results. You see, our older son is getting married this coming weekend in our MS. hometown (both bride and groom's families live in the same town). I'm feeling vital and excited to be mother-of-the-groom and hostess at the rehearsal dinner and those roles are the ones I want to cherish this week -- even though I know there's no ceasefire in my bladder cancer war. Please do think of me this week. Due to so many negative outcomes to my previous tests (except after radiotherapy) I am fearful, but I also insist on being hopeful, too (by force of will). Also, I subjectively am feeling "better" in my bladder -- its working pretty well these days -- and haven't had any felt worstening of function where my lesions and nodules are located, so that adds to my
insistence upon hope -- Also when I was teaching last week, I felt totally well the whole time. If I'm imagining wellness, I hope I can keep it up for a while at least.
Thank you all for your support -- Susan (mssmr)

Maria, good point, about being labeled 'neurotic' or 'hysterical'. I have had both of those terms applied to me, more than once! It's not nice. I have a needle phobia and act like a big baby when I have to have any kind of shot. So? I know I'm not the only person, that this affects like 10% of the population and is a huge problem, people avoiding medical treatment because of it. Thank goodness I found out that valiums make it doable for me, or I'd be dead from breast cancer. As it was I kept telling myself that tumor on my breast was cellulite for about 2 yrs (which meant I had breast cancer even as I was caring for my sister who was dying from it, and then when my other sister got bladder cancer, no wonder I felt like crap through all that).

I have a very good working knowledge of the power of denial!

Throughout my whole cancer ordeal and mastectomy the only time I cried was when I was told there was suspected cancer in the other breast, and I would need another biopsy! In the end it was a mistake, just mislabeled mammo mix-up, but by then I was so hardened up, I wasn't even relieved.

Anyhoo, don't call me hysterical or neurotic, just give me a valium and I can get through the tests.... :-\

w