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And Eileen ask's, How are the wives or husbands? (CAREGIVERS)

12 years 8 months ago - 3 years 4 months ago #9411 by Zachary

i borrowed some ridiculous contraption from a friend - some sort of "kegel machine", which i have to agree with my husband is silly. you put it between your upper thighs and squeeze together. it feels really weird. so then i asked the yoga teacher at the gym i go to how to teach a man to do a kegel. she said for him to lie on his back, lift his butt up into "bridge pose" if any of you know what that is, and then squeeze one of those yoga foam-like bricks between your thighs.


I would be very cautious about using such a device. Your doctor can better advise you, but there's nothing difficult about kegels for men. That device sounds like it was made for a healthy guy who hasn't had a dramatic surgery; squeezing your thighs together just seems--to me--like it could stress muscles that shouldn't be stressed so early. Mike will be held together with staples and duct tape for quite a while.

Really, kegels for men are about the simplest exercise imaginable. Here is a good page that describes the process:
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Basically it says this--

1. Try to stop the flow of urine while sitting on the toilet. If you can do this, then you are using the right muscles.

2. Imagine that you are trying to stop passing gas. If you feel a “pulling” sensation in your buttocks and rectum, then you are using the right muscles.

3. Do not use other muscles (thighs, buttocks, and abdominals) while doing the exercises. These muscles should remain relaxed. Do not hold your breath or tighten your chest during these exercises. Once you identify the right muscles, you can do these exercises at anytime, even if you are not urinating. You may do these exercises while lying, sitting, standing or walking.

The Exercise Program

Begin by emptying your bladder. Contract your pelvic floor muscles (for example, stop the flow of urine) for 3-5 seconds. Then relax your muscles completely for 10 seconds. Perform 10 repetitions one to three times a day. At first, you may be able to hold the contractions for only a few seconds. As the exercises become easier, you can slowly increase the length of the contractions. For best results, do your exercises every day. Don’t overdo it. Over-exercising may instead cause muscle fatigue and increase the leakage of urine. You should see some results in four to six weeks.

I did kegels like a maniac after my surgery, but--between you and me--I rarely do them anymore.

Zach

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"Standing on my Head"---my chemo journal
T3a Grade 4 N+M0
RC at USC/Norris June 23, 2006 by Dr. John Stein

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12 years 8 months ago #9409 by mikeg
hey ginger - i sure am not looking forward to all the pee, poop, and swollen balls talk. i don't think i'm as natural a caregiver as you are. i have a hard time being so needed. but i will give it my best shot - i'm hoping that i'll be so relieved when the surgery is over that i can take any amount of crap that comes my way.

eileen

Michael
Age 58
Stage T2-T3, muscle invasive
Married to Eileen
2 sons, ages 20 and 23

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12 years 8 months ago #9407 by RAH
Why do I need to clean the bathroom? With my new pouch, I don't even pee on the toilet seat anymore.

Your point is well taken. I will do the dishes while my lovely and talented is taking a shower. Wait that won't work, the shower water will come out too hot, she will know something is up.

I will take the twins out of her hair for a couple of hours this weekend. If it elicits a positive response, I may do it again. (We really are a do everything together type of family. Maybe it is because we are afraid to miss on something fun.)

Ginger, I will try.

Rick

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12 years 8 months ago #9405 by mikeg
hi everyone - all your posts gave me a good chuckle! ginger - keep on having gene help you. ain't payback a bitch!?!?! ;D anyway, i told my husband he can't die until I SAY HE CAN!!! lol!! i have been beating him up for the last 5 months and i will push him and push him until he gets all better.

now for our new problem - he's gonna go for the neobladder. we all know he needs to do his kegels. i borrowed some ridiculous contraption from a friend - some sort of "kegel machine", which i have to agree with my husband is silly. you put it between your upper thighs and squeeze together. it feels really weird. so then i asked the yoga teacher at the gym i go to how to teach a man to do a kegel. she said for him to lie on his back, lift his butt up into "bridge pose" if any of you know what that is, and then squeeze one of those yoga foam-like bricks between your thighs. also i emailed a guy from this website who told me the peeing exercises my husband has to do that teach you to get in touch with the muscles you will need to urinate after surgery.

i've done my share, right? now ask me if my husband is doing his kegels on a regular basis. that's right - he's not. so i bought a rubber sheet for the bed and four waterproof mattress pads. and i told him he'll be peeing himself if he doesn't do his kegels. aren't i brutal? but he needs to do this and i'm gonna keep pushing him.

anyway, that's what's happening in our house. we go to baltimore this sunday for pre-op on monday. then the surgery is the following monday. time is getting short. michael, i hope you're online today and reading this. get going on those kegels!!!!! ::)

eileen

Michael
Age 58
Stage T2-T3, muscle invasive
Married to Eileen
2 sons, ages 20 and 23

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12 years 8 months ago #9404 by Gene Beane
Bingo,, theres some good comments here, that was my point in addressing the caregiver issue Eileen brought up, I meant it as a positive subject. In my house were having a little caregiver patient confrontation. I enjoy when out and about seeing young husbands at the grocery with little babies, dual households, my generation was divided, the moms did the caregiving, the husbands went to work.Like Pat I get a kick out of seeing my son take Ryan 5 and brother Carter 1 and a half to the zoo for the day, while wife Suzie is at work.He is a multi tasker..
Back to the subject of emotional needs of the caregiver, it may sound like I am beating a dead horse but the lenghth of this journey can make one aggravated. For those who have parents in there 60's going thru this I can suggest a day out with mom, take dad for a ride let mom be home by herself without a shadow, put a basket of goodies together for them, but remember mom or dad may not always be ,,THERE HAPPY SELF"I had a message from Dar today, she talked exactly about the things I am beating to death. The daily talk of their body situations, it goes like this,I wonder what time I will poop today, I think I like the convex pouch better,glad my balls aren't swollen any more, my leaking stopped, THATS THE BEST NEWS YET, NO MORE DEPENDS!!!TODAYS REVELATION.
I have a new solution, ear plugs,, there only 1.99. Eileens point is well taken, do ask how they are, they need to vent!! Expect a wide range of answers, and listen. As we have issues too. So I am happy she brought it up!\And Rick, get busy and clean those bathrooms.`

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12 years 8 months ago #9403 by wsilberstein

So i take it all back....can i do that? I'm going back under my rock for a while...Pat

No rocks for you Pat. We don't want to have to go looking for you when we need your opinion - which I respect even when it doesn't totally agree with mine. I don't get offended easily so no need to take anything back.

-Warren
TaG3 + CIS 12/2000. TURB + Mitomycin C (No BCG)
Urethral stricture, urethroplasty 10/2009
CIS 11/2010 treated with BCG. CIS 5/2012 treated with BCG/interferon
T1G3 1/2013. Radical Cystectomy 3/5/2013, No invasive cancer. CIS in right ureter.
Incontinent. AUS implant 2/2014. AUS explant...

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