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And Eileen ask's, How are the wives or husbands? (CAREGIVERS)

12 years 8 months ago #9379 by Gene Beane
Eileen,
All that advice is highly recommended. Actually I have done the pedicure nail thing as I have my own little corner of the world shop I frequent when possible, And boy, it sure perks you up. The cleaning service another good one, I may use them if I get that desperate, I keep there card around for occasions when I am in the market.
But I think you may have missed my point. My point being, HE is helping me, he is capable at this point and its a dual purpose as he will benefit from helping out as well. Some caregivers can't ask for help from their husbands or wives as they are too sick, we are fortuneate, we need to help each other. If all that fails I'll call MOLLY MAIDS. Your point well taken about money saved by not seeing a shrink, I saw one after watching my dad die for 6 days in hospice in Tucson Arizona, I came home to Ohio, dead of winter, feeling I somehow helped the dieing process by letting him die in Hospice. So that was worth the 120.00 an hour believe me. But for now, being the age we all are in this process, since its a healing process for both, we should turn to each other because we can. Some like Karen cannot, I would love to send Molly Maid to her, and send her out for a glamour day.
The money I save would be better spent on my grandchildrens Christmas gifts, thats coming up soon, so I will take your advice, go for a pedicure, but still let Gene help me, as he can. And for all those in the recovery process, depending on where your at in the stage, its the repeated daily routine that gets you, change it when possible, but don't feel bad if you need a day to get it all out. And send a pm to one your comfortable with and ask, and How are you, I do this with Margo and Dar, and we seem to have some of the same issues, hearing them repeat it to you makes you feel, normal. Divorce not an option here, 40 years and counting. Thanks Eileen I so enjoy your writings. Your big day is just around the corner. You'll do great"
GINGER BEANE

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12 years 8 months ago #9375 by mikeg
hi ginger - it sounds like you are doing as well as can possibly be expected. and i think this website is so great for us all to vent!!! my unasked advice to you is to spend all the money that you saved by going on this website instead of paying for some sort of shrink, and use it to hire someone to clean your house! or get a massage, or a manicure and pedicure, or whatever floats your boat. many of our friends have been bringing over dinner, or giving us gift certificates to take-out places (real food, not junk food take-out). we have also accepted many invitations for dinner as well. i have no shame - if people want to help, i accept their help. it's a win/win because it makes everybody feel good.

i don't know what your financial situation is, but i strongly recommend getting a cleaning service. treat yourself in this very stressful post-op time. i plan to do that, believe me! it's cheaper than a divorce! ;D

Michael
Age 58
Stage T2-T3, muscle invasive
Married to Eileen
2 sons, ages 20 and 23

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12 years 8 months ago #9357 by Patricia
Don't forget the husbands...they are just as vulnerable and less likely to seek support than we women are. Women are a lot more self-sufficient as we've always played caregiver whether we set out to do that or not....men just feel helpless. I continually sent my husband out to the bookstore or whereever he could lose himself from worrying about me. Pat

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12 years 8 months ago #9352 by Gene Beane
Good question!! I have been known to post about a meltdown in the depression phase of this recovery. The answer is I generally PM when asking about the wives or husbands whatever the case about how they are doing. Not that IT isn't an issue.
I am posting because it is an issue, how are the wives or husbands, but the forum itself is informational on the disease, how to , what to, what not to, who to go too. Were not forgotten. After 6 weeks yesterday I had a bad day, and my husband has been spared what many are not. The thing is I feel as I have been alone in my process,
Although everyone here has been good about our pity party again its your individual way you deal with the months of bladder cancer. Just as its individually a process for the patient. I took care of how I felt by asking Gene to help me. He seems preocuppied with his bowels, his bag, how much milk of magnesia to take or not.How much he's leaking or not. I cried, its the trivial things, my whole house needs cleaned again, grocery shopping needs done again, he's not up for long visits with the grandkids, and I miss that so much because I am a superman, princess Jasmine, golfer, at some point in each of their individual lives because of their ages.
Now I am a nurse. But for us its his attitude that may have to change for me. He is 10 pounds heavier than one month ago, so I have succeeded in my caregiving to get him back on track. Today he is cleaning 2 bathrooms, and doing the foyer floor. His idea after my meltdown yesterday, His whole attitude seemed to change overite.
Those things may seen trivial, but believe me it just makes you feel like someone else can do something for you, meaning the one you have gotten thru this whole process. Not to worry I am not working him to death. But today I can go do the running around and come home to an accomplishment, and he will see it too, for himself. Not to forget our children have been wonderful with there helping and caring to the point of I had to remind them that we are not 90. It all plays a role in your mental attitude. So for caregivers keep a check on your mental phase, it all plays a role over the many months of bladder cancer. My point is this, don't forget about yourself along the way, ask for help if you need it, And PM another member and see how he or she is doing.....Ginger ???

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