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And Eileen ask's, How are the wives or husbands? (CAREGIVERS)

12 years 8 months ago #9401 by Zachary

OK, Enough. I need all of you to stop talking this gibberish. My wife comes on this site every once in a while. If she hears that others who are recovering from surgery or chemo are helping out, she will expect the same from me.
The only good thing that has come out of me going through this is I can say, "Sorry dear, I can't help because of my condition."


Unfortunately at home, the Cancer Card, like milk, has an expiration date.

However, it will still work for getting out of social engagements. I've played that hand for over a year now, and it's still working like the day it was issued to me. I've even caught my wife using it to avoid going out when she really didn't feel like it.

"Standing on my Head"---my chemo journal
T3a Grade 4 N+M0
RC at USC/Norris June 23, 2006 by Dr. John Stein

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12 years 8 months ago #9399 by RAH
OK, Enough. I need all of you to stop talking this gibberish. My wife comes on this site every once in a while. If she hears that others who are recovering from surgery or chemo are helping out, she will expect the same from me.
The only good thing that has come out of me going through this is I can say, "Sorry dear, I can't help because of my condition."

This time is all about me!

Isn't referring to my wife as the "Talented and Beautiful One" enough to make this easier on her.

I learned this attitude from my mom. She would not let any of us do anything growing up. If we volunteered to do anything she would say, "If I want it done right I will need to do it myself."

Rick

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12 years 8 months ago #9398 by dadhasbc
I'm glad this discussion came up, as it has given me ideas on how to help my parents. It never occurred to me, but now that my dad's catheter is out, and he is not allowed yet to practice kegels, my parents laundry needs have gone up dramatically... This morning, my mom asked if she could bring over some laundry...no problem! I haven't been able to go over much this week, my kids are have a bug, and I'm terrified of my dad getting sick. But if I can help out with groceries, laundry or whatever else, I can do that and not be there spreading germs. I've been trying to pick up medications etc for them, and a bit of groceries, but I might be able to sneak over this weekend and help tidy or make dinner.

Thanks for the discussion. I think from the outside, its easy to forget the needs of the caregiver, because everyone is worried about the person who is ill... andrea

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12 years 8 months ago #9385 by Patricia
OK...with exceptions...sorry Warren.
I'm the oldest of 4 and the only girl...i nursed my brothers when they had dry heaves and kept it from my parents.....I have 3 sons and thats self-explanatory...lot of caregiving there...i took care of my husband after his first heart attack and subsequent bypass surgery...and guess who took care of my parents in their final years...not a male in sight!
But your right...i see a entirely new generation of men helping..my sons are all equal partners in their marriages and i think its great.
So i take it all back....can i do that? I'm going back under my rock for a while...Pat

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12 years 8 months ago #9382 by Gene Beane
Good point, I had a kidney stone last week, first one since 1986, went to the er, my daughter took me, my daughter-in-law an rn in er was on duty, so my daughter watched as Suzie shot me up with tortetol?? had a cat scan, saw the bugger, 3 mill,
went home, passed it the next day after getting the oil changed in both cars. And that strength I learned as well from my mom. And my sense of humor from my dad. So it seems now I am in the process of teaching an old dog new tricks(just a phrase)
to save my sanity. I describe how I feel to my 2 children this way. I feel like a Kentucky Derby race horse being led to the gate, staying in the gate for 5 months waiting to be let loose to get back in the race. It'll come, THAT WILL BE 120.00 dollars, its in the mail..ginger

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12 years 8 months ago #9381 by wsilberstein

Women are a lot more self-sufficient as we've always played caregiver whether we set out to do that or not....men just feel helpless.

I've seen this as a recurrent theme in different messages, so I'd have to guess that's been most people's experiences, but just so you know... it is a generalization and does not necessarily apply to all men. I swear I can clean a house, iron a shirt, sew a button, do a wash, and cook a meal and I did just fine taking care of things at home after my wife's ovarian cyst surgery. But, I must respectfully say to the women, "I learned those things from my mother, not my father."

-Warren
TaG3 + CIS 12/2000. TURB + Mitomycin C (No BCG)
Urethral stricture, urethroplasty 10/2009
CIS 11/2010 treated with BCG. CIS 5/2012 treated with BCG/interferon
T1G3 1/2013. Radical Cystectomy 3/5/2013, No invasive cancer. CIS in right ureter.
Incontinent. AUS implant 2/2014. AUS explant...

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