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Three years after cystectomy

7 years 5 months ago #43910 by motomike
Depression can be very dangerous. It comes & goes. Try to assign a number for it between 0 and 10. When it gets difficult seek professional help. I take nortriptyline from years before BC.

I'm 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010

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7 years 5 months ago #43901 by jimswife
Thanks, George. We are so very blessed for sure! I know you and your wonderful wife have an awesome relationship as well. It takes the two of us some days other days not so much. But, it's great to know we are here for each other!

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7 years 5 months ago #43889 by GKLINE
Just one word

"Sweet!"

Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he's warm forever.

08/08/08...RC neo bladder
09/09/09...New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]

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7 years 5 months ago #43876 by jimswife
As always George said it so much better than I ever could. Know we are all here for you and have been where you are as well. In all our years of marriage I was so pleased when one day not long ago Jim said "I know I couldn't have made it through this without you. Thank you so much, I love you." Wow, out of the blue. I know we all think of the 900 pound gorilla each day, we can't help but do that. But, we also know that we have to move beyond that and say, "aren't we fortunate to have made it this far?". You probably don't know this but my husband Jim was diagnosed in July 2010 with stage IV BC. I was devastated but here we are 2.5 yrs later and he is still cancer free. We revel in that and LIVE each day in spite of the b**tard cancer BC. Know we are here for you whenever you need us! Stay well.
The following user(s) said Thank You: DougG

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7 years 5 months ago #43875 by GKLINE
I know how you feel.

It's been 4 years for me. Just last nite I had a discussion with my wife about this. We had just come back from a funeral for a family member who took his own life and we kept thinking that my inlaws were so detatched from the whole thing. This started a discussion of how they didn't deal with "our" cancer deal 4 years ago.

My wife asked me how much I think about cancer, now that it has been 4 years. I said, honestly, "every day."
She was quick to reply that she thinks about it every day as I walk in the door after work.
It is normal to feel depressed at times. I know I do at times. Suddenly the incontinence at night isn't something easily shrugged off. The fear of E.D. makes sex a little bit of a stress test. And Suddenly, BOOM! we fall into a quick deep hole.

But the good thing is it only lasts a short time, you, become you, again. If you fall into a deep depression for long periods of time and can't get out, then you may need some outside help from a professional. BUT, before you go to that length, pull in your best friend.... your wife. I ALWAYS fine her to be "there for me"

Good luck. And we'll be around for a shoulder to lean on.
Everything is fair game here. So you can "Ask" "Unload" "Vent" "Rage" you name it! You can put anything on the table.... We'll "talk about it!"

George

Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he's warm forever.

08/08/08...RC neo bladder
09/09/09...New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]

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7 years 5 months ago #43872 by jimswife
Hi, I cannot imagine anyone NOT having a few moments of wow I am not as up as I might want to be even without BC in their lives. Perhaps in your case you were so busy taking care of the BC that you never had the opportunity to work through what all has happened in your life? I know that cancer of any sort is a HUGE hit to our minds no matter what. My first suggestion to you would be to reach out to your wife and let her know that you are having these feelings. Holding them in and to yourself won't make them go away. If talking your feelings our with her doesn't seem to work discuss it with your primary care doctor and he will most likely have some suggestions.

I know that when Jim was first diagnosed with his BC I was overwhelmed almost to the point I moved totally by will. I cried in the shower so much I cannot tell you. It scared me unbelievably. But, by coming to this forum and another and discussing my feelings I found the support I needded. It may not be all that you do need but do come back here often because I know many others have been where you are right now. Meanwhile, look at your life you are 3 yrs out and doing well. What a gift! Wishing you the very best!

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