Three years after cystectomy

Every day I'm vertical is a great day. Embrace the rain and the snow but especially embrace those close to you. They want you to be around.

I come to read the wisdom and courage displayed by the very real people who sit at their keyboards and share their lives. Yes ED came to me and I learned my love and unity with my wife, the wonderful caregiver who walked with me through the valley of cancer, we are more 'one' now than I ever thought possible --- yup sex is all in my head now and I just smile in graditude for my life, my soul mate and knowing I have never walked alone. Hang in there, the Best is Yet to Come.

I am sorry to welcome you to this site. But I am glad you are a survivor.
I know, that after surgery, you are only focused on LIVING. And during recovery, things start to get back to normal very quickly, and soon you are feeling like a human again. And then things seem to go into slow motion..... very VERY, slow motion indeed.

The incontinence is the most embarassing thing. It has been 4 1/2 years since I had my Cystectomy and I still suffer from nighttime incontinence issues. I am sorry to say, this is an individual issue. Some never have a problem, and others, like me, have some leakage issues. I am just luck to be able to laugh at them as much as I can. I feel lucky that this is my only issue. So, you gotta, kinda, work with it. Keegle exercises work to minimize the leakage issue. Ask your wife. If she has had a child.... she knows keegles. Twnety five at the stoplight is what my wife was told after childbirth.

As for the sexual erection issues. I am assuming your surgeon did a "nerve sparing surgery" and, with time, you will get function to return. This I know, is VERY frustrating, and requires a Very strong sense of hunor and a compassionate partner. I too, fell in to the same sexual funk after a long leriod of sexual disfunction. I started by trying Viagra and even a sexual pump. They worked....somewhat. But time was my only real cure. I must admit that I had many failed attempts during that first year, but we kept on trying. I was JUST like you. Very depressed. And I kinda thought, at age 54, that It was over.
But after the first year, Things slowly, and I mean SSlllllooooooooowwwwwly started to some together. Even now, as long as it has been, it is still not the same as it was. I still use a viagra to be sure. But, it will come back. Patience, patience, patience.

I hope this is a help for you. I know where you are at right now and I can sympathize. But, think of your blessings so far;

You are alive!
You are a Survivor, in the real sense.
The worst is over and the best is yet to come.
You found this site! Full of support and lunacy
You WILL get better! But at a slower rate than you would like.


I hope this is a help

George

I will turn 55 in April .After getting chemo from july through september 2012 i had a cystectomy in october .So it's been 4 month .I'm passing that stage of the trauma of suffering and where i'm simply happy to have survived this .No I'm recovering but i have these incontinency issues and the sexual handicap is really affecting me . My surgeon said that i can hope for nerves to reconnect in a year or two .He also said that i can inject some product with a needle that could allow me to have a sexual activity.I haven't tried that yet .. I'm hoping everyday that it will come back to normal someday .It's very depressing ,i agree .

Take a few minuets to analyze your depression. You will probably find as I did that it is a self-centered emotion. I try to get involved in other things that take my mind in other directions. Our neighborhood food closet needed help over the Christmas season. It was good to be a little help. I audition for acting roles for community theatres. The casting folks seldom need my flawless acting ability but I'm pretty good at making sets & locating props. I recently got a dog. That’s certainly one way to shake up things around the house.

I have loaded up several MP3 players with up beat cheerful tunes. It takes lots of time to locate just the right songs and just the right version but it’s fun to check on the songs that have peaked at number one then disappeared.

It is not at all surprising that you are experiencing gloominess this time of year Christmas is a popular time for depression. The short gloomy winter days are a natural environment for us to have dark thoughts and introspection.

Volunteer. There are lots of needy people around and helping them is a good way to get your mind on better footing.

All kinds of things can trigger depression. There are also excellent treatment options available.
Speak to your doctor about it.

Life should have joy and depression takes away or mutes joy. A physical or emotional trigger can cause a physical imbalance in the brain that basically blocks joy from being felt the way it should. Often, temporary meds can straighten things out. Other times, taking meds permanently fixes it. Counseling can also help people think about things in different ways.

Best of luck to you!
Mike