New Here . . .

13 years 1 month ago #36206 by LoveMyHusband
Replied by LoveMyHusband on topic New Here . . .
I like your wife already lol!

He's had a very, very hard time with this last surgery, so we both understand how very hard this is going to be. You are right, however, in that our quality of life after he gets well will improve greatly. The stress, of course is something we need to be aware of.`

After the "great debate", we actually went to another level of intimacy with each other. He understands i won't abandon him and that yes, I have a baseball bat handy should we need it again ;).

We both feel the strength and trust in each other, and that gives us both a strong sense of security. it doesn't mean our fears are gone, but at least we understand what those fears are and can deal with them as a team.

Partnership during this journey, I'm thinking, is everything.

The one thing I've found that is important, is to respect his need to control his destiny as much as possible; that the choices he makes from here on out, even the seemingly most minute ones, are very important for him to feel like he's still the "man" in the family and I have the deepest regard for that.

Keeping our daily routines and doing a few fun things, like going out to dinner once or twice a week; watching our favorite TV programs together; anything that keeps us both relaxed and connected. I think these things are very important.

Thank you George.

Rayn

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

13 years 2 months ago #36146 by GKLINE
Replied by GKLINE on topic New Here . . .
Rayn

I just wanted to add that the journey through baldder cancer recovery was very stressful indeed for both my wife and I. It is no easy row to hoe. But coming out the other side of the tunnel was worth the fight.

We chose life. I think QUALITY of life appears to have taken over for your husband. He sees the procedure as the end of his quality of life. It is NOT. But there will be times when he feels as though life will not get back to normal. This is the time to assure him that change will come. There are going to be periods of quick recovery, followed by long plateaus where nothing seems to be getting better. It can be depressing during those periods.

Keep assuring him that you love him and will always love him even through this. (I had great fear my wife would find me unattractive during the year and half when I couldn't "perform") We had a very frank conversation in which I expressed how sorry I was about my inability to perform. She informed me; with all the gentility if a baseball bat; that there was so MUCH MORE to life than that! If THAT was going to keep me depressed.... she WOULD find another person who had more to offer in so many OTHER ways! :cheer:

Life is ....... Life

George

:lol:

Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he's warm forever.

08/08/08...RC neo bladder
09/09/09...New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

13 years 2 months ago #36131 by LoveMyHusband
Replied by LoveMyHusband on topic New Here . . .
Hello George,

I'm so glad your surgery was a success. Congratulations on the full life you are leading and how happy you and your wife are.

I'm constantly trying to reassure my husband that this surgery will save his life and yes, he does think this is all about not having to have sex anymore. I told him it would really difficult for us to have sex at all if he's dead.

Thank you for you concern and support. People here are wonderful! I've gotten so much information and so many stories that have given me hope and the honesty here is so relieving. I was beside myself when I joined and within the last 3 or 4 days I've been here, I've become a lot more educated and I'm sure there is more to learn.

I appreciate everyone's journey and to hear your life is even better then before is so good to hear.


Best regards, Rayn

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

13 years 2 months ago #36124 by GKLINE
Replied by GKLINE on topic New Here . . .
Rayn
I am sorry to be so late to this party. But you have had such good company, you really didn't need me. But your post reminded me how important my wife was during my surgery and recovery.

I was your husband in some respects. I was 53 when I had my RC. I was terrified of the sexual consequences..... but I was MORE terrified of not being around.

My wife was ALWAYS reminding me how important it was to have me around as a person. She is a lot like you. Very supportive and caring. I knew in my heart that she cared about my life much more than an erection. So, going in I knew she wasn't going to be disappointed if things didn't go perfect.

But. The went very well. I had all the problems... Erictile disfunction for almost 2 years..... incontinence issues;even still sometimes at night.

BUT! I AM ALIVE! And I mean REALLY ALIVE!

I work like I did before...... I ski...... I make love regularly....... I race formula cars...... I eat what I want and sometimes what I should not!.... I travel all over the Great Northeast. And Most people think I am some kind of superman for recovering so well. I am NOT Superman, but I willed myself to be where I am.

Your Husband can do all of this! I know. But he needs to have his head in the Game. How can he NOT know how much you care about HIM. His penis does NOT define him. I know he thinks the world revolves around it.... But it doesn't!
Your world revolves around HIM and He needs that slammed into his head.

I can feel your love for HIM coming through this post! If he needs reassurance about that.... I'll be glad to set him straight.
You are on the right track getting him to the right people. The sooner he has a new Bladder... The sooner he will get his life back.

With sincere Concern
George

Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he's warm forever.

08/08/08...RC neo bladder
09/09/09...New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

13 years 2 months ago #36112 by LoveMyHusband
Replied by LoveMyHusband on topic New Here . . .
Hi Rocky :)

Thank you for your support and well wishes. My husband and I have had 2 pretty bad fights the last few days about all this, but he's talked to his doctor and he's going to the surgeon tomorrow to see what the closes date is we can go.

We can't actually go until he's healed from his last surgery. His urethra is still bleeding because they had to remove some heavy duty scar tissue from his urethra because it was stopping the flow of urination. It really did a number on him.

He's still bleeding some, but looks like he'll heal within the next week or so.

Thank you for the prayers. It's amazing how good energy and thoughts can create miracles.

Best regards,

Rayn

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

13 years 2 months ago #36108 by motomike
Replied by motomike on topic New Here . . .
Rayn I’ve stayed out of the thread because I am dumb about this med area (tumors) but I do want to let you know that I’m sending good vibes your way.

I'm 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: Cynthiaeddieksara.anne