I'm so sorry your husband is not doing well, and I can't imagine what it's like for you as you take care of this man you love. I don't know if this can be used for everything, but my sister is on a chemo medication that's taken by mouth (pills) and although she's only had one round (1 pill five days in a row) she hasn't noticed any side effects from it. She has Metastatic Malignant Melanoma and it's in an advanced stage (she also has ascites), there will be no cure for her but I think this is supposed to help her with the problems she's having with her disease not cure her. She also had lost her appetite but has it back now, I don't know if the medication (chemo) is responsible for that or not. I know another woman who took an oral form of chemo for a different kind of cancer and she never had any side effects from the drug. Her's cured her of her cancer, but it also hadn't gotten to an advanced stage like your husbands or my sisters. I added that just to let you know these oral chemo's do have some punch, even if they don't have these toxic side effects. I don't know the name of either of these drugs, but the oncologist should be aware of this type chemo and perhaps he will try something like this to help your husband to be more comfortable. Don't be afraid to ask the oncologist about trying a different less toxic form of chemo, as they're there to help him be more comfortable while he's dealing this level of disease.
You don't mention where you're from in Tennessee, I'm just wondering where your husband is getting his care. I live in Alabama and get my care at UAB Health System in Birmingham, I'm very fortunate to live where I have access to this incredible university medical center.
Let us know how the appointment goes Monday, perhaps you already do this, but write down all your questions prior to going to the appointment so you don't forget to ask something important to you. Some patients even hand their list over to the doctor, that way you don't have to worry about forgetting to ask something.
Know also we've got you in our prayers and try thinking of us as being there in body with you as you walk into the doctors office together for your appointment (There is strength in numbers).
My heart goes out to you, this is a very tough situation, you're very unlucky that the cancer had already spread and to have these complications compounding things, as if bladder cancer isn't bad enough.
The fluid removed is called ascites, when a person has ascites in the abdomen it's a sign of spread. As you know it can be drained. Chemo is the most often recommended treatment for this, but is not a cure.
I hope your doctor can find something else, something less toxic for you to try. There are many new types of drugs other than chemo in clinical trials these days. I'm pretty sure your situation would exclude you from being a candidate for a trial, but often new treatments can be had under the 'compassionate use' program, often supplied directly from the drug company.
Please let us know what happens on Monday. I hope your doctor is smart and creative.
Prostate exams EVERY six months for the past 4 yrs. History of abdominal aortic aneurysm. Frequent urination began last November. Bladder removed 1/06 with stoma/external pouch. Lymph node involvement. Chemo began 3/06. Unable to complete, ~ 4 wks due to pulmonary embolism(s). Was unable to regain strength. No appetite. Supposedly contributed to chemo. Two liters of fluid drained from stomach last week. Today I get a phone call that it is now in the lining of his stomach :'( He goes Monday to get options, if any. He says no more chemo. Other than LOTS of praying, any suggestions? Sleepless in Tennessee