Carolyn, it *is* a rotten choice to have to make. There is definitely no getting around that fact. Right now, though, it's the hand you've been dealt, and it's time to get clarity about your situation.
If it's important to you, ask your doctor about the possibility of bladder-sparing procedures. Ask to talk with other women who have gone through something similar. Not just by email or a forum, but voice-to-voice over the phone. Maybe even in person. I can't imagine anything more comforting then meeting someone who has not only gone through what you're going through, but has come out on the other side. I've been fortunate enough to talk with a couple of men here over the phone, and I could literally--and I do mean literally--hear the tension and fear in their voices almost vanish by the end of the call. Sometimes just talking with someone is all it takes.
Write down every one of your questions and concerns for your next doctor visit. If you think you might be too upset to ask them, bring along a friend or family member. That way you'll know exactly what to expect and what's expected of you.
You wrote that nothing can be worse than this waiting. Actually, I think there is something worse, and that's waiting with the fearful uncertainty that comes from unasked and unanswered questions. I think you'll find that when you get your questions answered and a plan for your treatment and progress, the fear moves into the background like a shadow moves away from light.
Mark Twain said that when he got up, the first thing he did was read the obituaries, and if he didn't find himself there, he got dressed and went to work. It's up to you, now, to get dressed and go to work. Your job is to get knowledgeable, to get treated, and to get better.