Hi Everyone,
Holly, Rick (thanks for your kind notes)
I guess the best I can say is that I started to come unraveled this week and only getting four hours of sleep last nite, just added to my discomfort. And Holly, we must be on the same page as far as chemo goes....I have experienced all those issues that you noted. I did realize the other day that my hearing was off but didn't credit it to the chemo. And yes, I double check myself because I wonder how it affects the brain. I definitely feel some days like I'm losing my mind. A good friend told me of an article he was going to send me in regard to the affects of chemo....will share when I receive it.
Anyway, went into the treatment center for another shot today but first asked for a "hug" from the nurse. I got the hug and got some talking going and more hugs, I am feeling better.
I do not look for or expect my spouse to provide me with constant attention or support but one genuine hug daily and a few positive statements like "I know you can do this.....everything will be OK.....etc." would be appreciated. I recognize he must be scared but of course he would never admit it and really won't talk much abut his feelings nor does he really want to hear about the details of my medical issues. Like most guys, he just wants to fix whatever is broken. And of course, in this case, he can't so he is angry and frustrated.
We waited 25 years to get our kids raised so we could build our dream house which he put his heart into and six months later I am diagnosed. He likes to have control and he wants our retirement years to be just as he envisioned them to be. He wants me to say that the surgery is not necessary and life will go back to what it was for us, and that just can't happen. Cancer changes so much and we adjust or we break. I know he tries but he doesn't know how to meet my emotional needs so I look for that support elsewhere. That is why I had to vent on this website this morning and then seek out others at the treatment center who could offer me some comfort.
If any of you guys out there have any advice for me, please let me know how you think I can best help him to move forward in a positive way. Thanks much. Melodie