mattsmudder,
It is very natural to feel anxious when we get the news we have BC. When I was seeing the urologist for the first time, he asked if I wanted to see the monitor and I said yes....so he turned it on. Indeed, a picture is worth a thousand words.....he showed me what the normal tissue looked like and then when he moved the camera, he didn't need to say anything....seeing a mass of angry red tissue told me it was cancer and I wanted it out as soon as possible. Two days later he removed the tumor. I thought at the time, however, that the cancer was only superficial. Immediately following surgery, the doc told me it had gone into the muscle and I would need 4 months of chemo and have my bladder out. All of a sudden, the clock stopped. I was numb. My mind wasn't ready to absorb that kind of news. Later that night at the hospital, I fell asleep crying as I felt so overwhelmed and alone. Finding this website helped me to learn how to manage my fears and has been a wealth of information and a great blessing in my life. I am only in my second month of chemo and still undecided about surgery as I still have questions I too want answered, but I feel this website will help me arrive at a good decision. You sound like you are in a difficult place but you are asking the right questions.
Continue to check back for follow ups....there are individuals here who will offer you info, support and encouragement. You won't feel so alone and things will get better. Stay strong....remain positive.....we're here for you. I hope my sharing has helped. Take care, wishing you the best.
Melodie