Readabook,
From my perspective, you are asking and hitting all of the key issues. Nothing says you must finish treatments; BCG, and or radiation to be effective. When the "cure becomes worse than the problem" you have hit the stopping point.
Dehydration, as simple as it sounds, affects many people. Someone told me as we age, the part of the brain that tells us to drink water does not work as well leading to not drink enough. Makes sense to me.
"Palliative care" does sound like something to explore. Often times it is lumped in with hospice care groups but, it is not end-of-life care. The jist of it is to help make the recipient comfortable and help with some everyday medical chores. Perhaps light exercise, med checks, wellness checks etc. Most cities have 1 or more groups so some might be better than others. In my limited experience, they are wonderful and caring people.