Hello,
Sorry for my late reply...we had my mom's funeral last week and I had family in town with that. Then we had Dad's scope and NO NEW TUMORS! I am so excited. Now he will go every 6 months...he's had this happen once before and at the 6 month mark, they found some new ones, but fingers crossed...
I was telling my husband that when you replied it was the year anniversary from diagnosis and it brought tears to my eyes telling him. It feels so unfair that lives are taken so quickly from this. I'm so sorry. I know the holidays are going to suck. I'm trying to stay positive but I don't even want to buy gifts...I don't want to decorate either. I have to for my kids but otherwise, it would be a non event for me. My neighbors are taking advantage of the nice weather and putting up lights and I feel like scrooge. Bah! My kids are so excited and I smile and inside I just want to cry. So I'm sorry, I completely understand what you are going thru. Maybe it helps to think about it this way, what would Jeff want you to do? Would he want you to put the tree up and enjoy the holiday? I don't know if that helps but someone suggested it to me...that my mom would want me to be happy and make new traditions or carry on with ones she created. Scrooge says - bah!
Her funeral was nice...the weather was amazing. I'm confident she ordered it up
The day she passed, my dad's phone started randomly playing a song and we played it during the funeral. I was a mess. If you want to listen to it, it's I'll See you Again by Westlife. I have never heard of the song or the band but man, the words are powerful.
I went to a hockey game for my son's school and the nurse that did my mom's surgery was there with her kids. She told me how the physicians and staff referred to my mom as the lady that bladder cancer ravaged her body and it broke my heart. I don't want my mom to be remembered that way. I know she didn't mean it that way, but why did she have to be the exception? Why did she go so fast? I sat there all night fighting in my head to enjoy the game and stop thinking about it, to thinking about it. Then my other friend, her husband surprised her and flew her mom up for the weekend and she was so excited. Outside, I was excited for her and inside I was screaming and holding back tears...why can't my mom be here? Then my daughter was being naughty and wouldn't give me a hug because she was mad that we had to leave and didn't stay late with her friends. I lost it...I started crying, telling her that I wish my mom was here for one more hug and that her mom is here, alive and well and she's being mean. She's 7. I felt like a child myself. My husband tried to make light of it and tell me to have a drink...but I was hurt. All of it really got to me. Then my dad wanted to go thru my mom's coats so someone could use them this winter and I can't get rid of some. They were her favorites or I went with her each time to the store while she watched for them to go on sale...and she never wore them. It was a crappy weekend really. Just blah. I'm sorry, I'm babbling...
You will have an amazing time in Florida. I promise. I understand having a daughter and that closeness. I hope my daughter turns out sweet like yours as an adult
As for now, she's sassy...and gets angry so fast. Where are you heading in Florida? I tried to attach some pictures...not sure if they are going thru or not...