1 year 1 month ago - 1 year 1 month ago#58681by tlwjaw
Your pictures came through perfectly. Everything looked beautiful, including yourself and your Dad. Your Mom would be proud of you. I am so glad your Dad's scope was good, that is very encouraging. I had a patient yesterday who has non invasive bladder cancer and he has to do the same as your Dad. He had a very positive outlook on things. When I left the room I wondered why couldn't Jeff's had been non-invasive, why did he have to have the worst kind??? Yesterday was my son's 35th birthday and also was 1 yr after Jeff's first surgery when they removed the tumor. It just sucks. I baked a pumpkin pie for Josh and took it to him but just had to get back home to be alone. Had to finish packing was my excuse. Which I did and I am ready to head out later today after work.
My daughter, Whitney, lives in North Port, it's north of Fort Myers. Only 20 minutes to the beach which is nice. She has a pool at her house so I plan in being in it as much as possible. She has me cooking Thanksgiving dinner since she can seriously burn water. Jeff was always the cooker of the meat and I did the rest so hope it turns out okay.
I'll come back Monday and get back to the grind.
Your Dad is doing the same thing my Dad did when my Mom passed. I don't know why but they just want to give it all away. We would go to Dad's and he would say how he gave this or that to someone there where he lived (it was a retirement apartment place). My sisters and I were like "Dad stop it, let us go through it first" . He still didn't get it. So we just started taking stuff before it disappeared. My daughter had a baby blanket made for her last daughter and had one of my Mom's favorite shirts quilted into it. It turned out amazing. Maybe if you know someone who sews, or if you sew, take some of your Mom's favorite clothing and make a blanket out of it. My daughter in law made me a lap blanket out of all military tshirts that my sons had bought me while they were in the Army. She took one of Josh's camo's and cut up and used as the border on the blanket and for the backing. I love that blanket. I am going to have her do the same with Jeff's tshirts because the man had an entire closet full of tshirts I think lol.
Your daughter sounds like my daughter at that age. Thankfully they grow out of it but right now their friends are the only thing that matters. Your husband was right, have a drink, it will relax you. When I have a drink it calms me and I will sit silently and reminisce of life before cancer. I let the tears flow and it really does help me feel better. I just sit and talk to Jeff sometimes like he is right there and can answer me. Sometimes I answer for him, that's scary. lol.
My sister and brother in law are currently living with me since they sold their house and do not have another yet to move to. I have a feeling when I return from Florida she will have tree up and decorations out. She is very mothering at times. That can be good or it can be bad. She means well though.
Try to enjoy your Thanksgiving and use as a time to remember your Mom and all the good times you shared together. I think that is the only way to get through it. My sister is having some of our family over to my house for Thanksgiving dinner. We were talking about how different it is without Mom, and she's been gone 7 yrs now. When Mom was alive everyone went to their house and you better make an appearance or you'd never hear the end of it. She love a packed house and our family is big so if was truly packed. There's 6 of us kids and then you add all of our kids and their kids. Now though everyone goes their own ways. Dad remarried a couple yrs ago (he's 92 yrs old) and so that changed things up as well. Just not the same. But we will make it, one day at time.
And you will too, it just takes a time. A lot of time unfortunately.
Please keep in touch, I truly enjoy talking with you, it helps when someone else out there understands my feelings.I attached pictures: one of Jeff way before we knew he was sick and the one of us down in Gatlinburg at the spot where we were married at 17 yrs ago.
Last edit: 1 year 1 month ago by sara.anne. Reason: Remove personal email information
Sorry for my late reply...we had my mom's funeral last week and I had family in town with that. Then we had Dad's scope and NO NEW TUMORS! I am so excited. Now he will go every 6 months...he's had this happen once before and at the 6 month mark, they found some new ones, but fingers crossed...
I was telling my husband that when you replied it was the year anniversary from diagnosis and it brought tears to my eyes telling him. It feels so unfair that lives are taken so quickly from this. I'm so sorry. I know the holidays are going to suck. I'm trying to stay positive but I don't even want to buy gifts...I don't want to decorate either. I have to for my kids but otherwise, it would be a non event for me. My neighbors are taking advantage of the nice weather and putting up lights and I feel like scrooge. Bah! My kids are so excited and I smile and inside I just want to cry. So I'm sorry, I completely understand what you are going thru. Maybe it helps to think about it this way, what would Jeff want you to do? Would he want you to put the tree up and enjoy the holiday? I don't know if that helps but someone suggested it to me...that my mom would want me to be happy and make new traditions or carry on with ones she created. Scrooge says - bah!
Her funeral was nice...the weather was amazing. I'm confident she ordered it up The day she passed, my dad's phone started randomly playing a song and we played it during the funeral. I was a mess. If you want to listen to it, it's I'll See you Again by Westlife. I have never heard of the song or the band but man, the words are powerful.
I went to a hockey game for my son's school and the nurse that did my mom's surgery was there with her kids. She told me how the physicians and staff referred to my mom as the lady that bladder cancer ravaged her body and it broke my heart. I don't want my mom to be remembered that way. I know she didn't mean it that way, but why did she have to be the exception? Why did she go so fast? I sat there all night fighting in my head to enjoy the game and stop thinking about it, to thinking about it. Then my other friend, her husband surprised her and flew her mom up for the weekend and she was so excited. Outside, I was excited for her and inside I was screaming and holding back tears...why can't my mom be here? Then my daughter was being naughty and wouldn't give me a hug because she was mad that we had to leave and didn't stay late with her friends. I lost it...I started crying, telling her that I wish my mom was here for one more hug and that her mom is here, alive and well and she's being mean. She's 7. I felt like a child myself. My husband tried to make light of it and tell me to have a drink...but I was hurt. All of it really got to me. Then my dad wanted to go thru my mom's coats so someone could use them this winter and I can't get rid of some. They were her favorites or I went with her each time to the store while she watched for them to go on sale...and she never wore them. It was a crappy weekend really. Just blah. I'm sorry, I'm babbling...
You will have an amazing time in Florida. I promise. I understand having a daughter and that closeness. I hope my daughter turns out sweet like yours as an adult As for now, she's sassy...and gets angry so fast. Where are you heading in Florida? I tried to attach some pictures...not sure if they are going thru or not...