My dad just got diagnosed. I am distraught and need advice to help him.

3 years 9 months ago #53848 by alamela821
Hi, my name is Amanda.

My dad is a wonderful, loving, and thoughtful 58-year-old man and I will do anything i can to help him... but all I've done so far is cry, which isn't helpful at all.

My dad was diagnosed yesterday with bladder cancer. The doctor did not find any blood in his urine, but he has "two little spots," as he describes.

My dad still wants to keep the three-week Sicily vacation that we're planned to leave in 3 days. I told him to postpone it, go to Sloane for the scans, and start treating this as quickly as possible. My dad *claims* that the doctor said he would keep the vacation if it were him. My dad also *claims* that the doctor told him that a little red wine could help. (Everyone has a vice and my father's is Italian food and drink.)

Does the doctor's advice sound correct? Is my dad in denial about his diagnosis? What can my mom and I do for him? (Besides chaperone him to every doctor appointment.)

Thank you all for the support,


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3 years 9 months ago #53849 by Jack R

My thoughts are just that, my thoughts.

Most importantly, please do not let anything act to create an atmosphere of conflict between your father and the family. It is time to provide support for dad, as he deals with the diagnosis and treatment.

That said, it took more than 3 weeks from my initial diagnosis until anything else happened, including the follow-up tests, scans, and initial biopsy. The real question, then, is, "Have appointments been ACTUALLY BEEN SCHEDULED for further testing in 3 weeks time? If yes, then the doctor is already moving things ahead (a bit faster than mine did).

Caught early, bladder cancer can be very treatable. But do not expect expect things to happen quickly. Once diagnosed, many here have expressed concern about how slowly things happen. Constantly waiting for action, and worrying while waiting, is perhaps the worst part of a BC diagnosis. Eventually we get used to the snail's pace of treatment.

After my diagnosis, I was in no shape to even think about a trip or other adventure. Your dad is doing far better than I at remaining calm, that is good for him. I'm sure you would like to quiz the doctor about what dad is telling you, and that is not likely to be an option.

Last thought - IF there is a schedule for follow up in 3 weeks time, everything could be good. Give dad a big hug.


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3 years 9 months ago #53850 by yellowroseli
Just my suggestion. Take the vacation. Everything else can wait. Did your Dad already have surgery to remove his tumors? If so he will have to wait to get treatment. Nothing seems to move fast, meaning with appts.
Get all his appointments set up for when he gets home. Let your Dad make his own decision about the trip. It will probably be good for him.

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3 years 9 months ago #53853 by RJake1
The three weeks of waiting after initial diagnosis were, for me, the worst part. I wish I had a European vacation to take my mind off things.

I would encourage you to take the vacation and enjoy it with your family. It will give your dad something to think about other than his diagnosis. Go, have fun, and make memories that will give your dad something to smile about when you get back.

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