Vamps,
Congrats on 8 months without new issues. Many of us here have continuous concern about the effect of our bladder cancer on our families.
As I read your post, your family is glad that you are in the picture and that the BC is not the focus of daily life. That they are both relieved and happy for you is normal and obvious.
Body image issues can be a real problem sometimes - been there - 10 months in hospital, two years in wheel chair, have learned 3 times how to walk - with a unique gait and a walker or other support. That was 18 years before BC. My family is happy to have me here.
Can you write out a list of EVERY issue and item that you would like addressed - leakage and being able to cath the pouch seem like a good start. Take the list to your care team and get every issue addressed. Might take a little while to address everything. A complete list helps them provides the best help and keep them focused. Expect that they will have some instructions for you, the patient, to follow. BUT, it is the care team's job to make it work for YOU.
While it might seem difficult, consider sharing with your family once you have made your list - see if they have any ideas or thoughts to add. I have found that including my family in my continuing journey has been a help to everyone. We are a family team dealing with my ambulation, and now my BC and creating our new normal.
Most of all, figure out what works for YOU !
Best,
Jack