Sorry that you had to join us! But the "good news" is that your husband's urologist really seems to be on the ball. Good medical practice indicates that in cases such as your husband's, where muscle was not identified in the biopsy samples, a second TURB should be done. Unfortunately, not all urologists have received the memo!! The first time the urologist is sort of going in blind...he knows about where the problem areas are, but can miss some. The second time he has a much better idea of exactly where samples need to be taken an how much he needs to take. After the pathologist gives his report on this second set of samples, the urologist and your husband will have a much better idea of what the situation is.
Since it appears to be high grade, if it has not spread into the muscle, the most likely result will be a series of BCG treatments. They are very effective for high grade bladder cancer!
As for your questions about the condition of the bladder wall, these are best aimed at the urologist. He can explain causes and effects and give you a good idea of what this means.
As you said, "breathe." Many of us have battled this disease successfully and you and your husband can also.
Sara Anne