Nana,
I am sorry that you are facing what must seem to you to be another medical situation that ends with a loss. Memories and bad experiences can darken out outlook.
A lot has changed in 20 years. New procedures and medications have changed the course of bladder cancer. Bladder cancer is now the most expensive cancer, on a per patient basis because we, as a group, survive so long. It is good that so much can be done for our cancer today.
"In sickness and in health" - my wife and I have cared for each other for almost 50 years. Ther have been good times and not so good times, but we have survived as a couple, tending to each other.
Please don't let memory interfer with the love and support you share with your husband. Together you can get through our trial with love and support. It works for us, and I hope, you.
Best to you both,
Jack