Mtgirl,
To my understanding, when CIS returns QUICKLY after BCG, that is considered BCG failure, and a RC is likely to be recommended. This is my situation, and even a second opinion has not (yet) clarified, in my mind, the decision of the next step for me. There seems to be a great reluctance (or inability) on the part of many docs and pathologists to determine the depth of CIS involvement and opine on how long one should try BCG or other treatment before going the RC route. The RC is a safe call for the doc. I would prefer to keep my bladder, but I'll give mine up if/when I need to to avoid metastasis.
From your description, it does not seem to be your husband's situation; he has had one bout of CIS which was cleared with BCG, if I understand correctly.
I enclose the link to a paper that, to my understanding and multiple doctor's explanations, provides a good overview of the options, including the unknowns and risks.
With all that said, your case sounds more like Flamenco's than mine. Get to a major school or NCI center and see if something other that an RC makes sense in your case.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2792453/
Best
Jack