Nancy, I moved your post to its very own topic. Your husband's issues ARE very similar to Jack's, but some of your questions and issues probably deserve their own discussion.
I am very sorry that you had to join us....although we are a great group!! You and your husband have a steep learning curve ahead. First, with something as important as cystectomy (bladder removal) it is usually a very good idea to get a second opinion. There are a number of options for pre-treatment, the type of diversion, and the after-surgery course. Pt is important to be sure that you are getting absolutely the best medical advice possible. In fact, my urologist told me that if we every faced this (which so far we haven't) that he would INSIST on my getting a second opinion.
Did the urologist explain why he felt that the external bag was the best option? Often if people are quite elderly or have serious other medical conditions, this is the best option. In other cases, the patient has a choice.
Whatever diversion your husband decides on, he needs to find a urological surgeon who does a great many of these each year. Research has shown that the more a physician does, the better his outcome record is.
If you can seek a second opinion and an evaluation of your husband's case, that is what you should seriously consider before going any further. His current doctor should have no problem with this...it is good medical practice. The best result of a second opinion is that it will confirm the initial diagnosis and recommendations. It might provide additional options for you to consider. And, if it turns out that the current situation is not the best, you need to know this NOW rather than later.
If you are interested in a second opinion, and are wondering where to go for one, let us know where you are located and some of our members may have suggestions for a good place near you.
Wishing you and your husband the best of luck/
Sara Anne