Sorry you have to be here but welcome to our community. Having people you say what you think to as you go through this who understand is a great help. We don't always have the answers but we will listen and be here.
It sounds like you are on the right track Barnes has a good bladder cancer reputation. As for the number of surgeries they do a year your right it is important. I am also impressed that your original uro said lets get someone who does more of these. Having trust in your medical team is a gift in our situation.
Remember a lot of us have been through this and got to the other side. It is not easy but it is doable. I have had an Radical Cystectomy and have an Indiana Pouch done in 06 it works well. I snorkel, swim, walk and dance,I can't play tennis but I never could.
Here is a link to a glossary of bladder cancer terms it may help.
bladdercancersupport.org/bladder-cancer-help/resources/glossary-of-terms
Remember we are here 24/7.