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Tomorrow I see the Doc

9 years 5 months ago - 9 years 5 months ago #38793 by Cynthia
Being given a jaring diagnosis leaves all of us intospective about end of life issues. Some people find religion or reimbrace thier spiritual beliefs. Some of us get stronger some who were strong weak. We all respond very differently once the shock wears off but it does make us all think of what if. I have watched a lot of people deal with this over the years and I firmly believe their is no right or wrong about how you deal with your own mortality, it has to be one of the most personal decitions there is.

I love life and every day is a gift and knowing myself I will go down trying. And the day I can't go on anymore I want to be hospiced. I have been through it with several family members and it can be a gift to all. A piece of advise to anyone that ever need hospice is that there are usually more than one hospice in an area and you may want to interview more than one to see if they meet your needs. Only you can know what is in your heart and what you want. We will have to work hard on getting some smiles out of you around here though.

My husbands Irish grandmother would have said we spend a lot of time buying trouble and paying interest on it in life. I try to only worry about what is in front of me not what could be it just takes to much energy not to.

Wishing you well keep us undated as soon as you can.

Cynthia Kinsella
T2 g3 CIS 8/04
Clinical Trial
Chemotherapy & Radiation 10/04-12/04
Chemotherapy 3/05-5/05
BCG 9/05-1-06
RC w/umbilical Indiana pouch 5/06
Left Nephrectomy 1/09
President American Bladder Cancer Society

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9 years 5 months ago #38792 by Grey
Its not just the caregiver part its not having hardly any control over what happens to us,as I said my dog will have more options than I do when her time comes.Im like everyone very confused ,realy not to terribly scared at the moment ,that may escalate tomorrow but not bad now. Im not suicidle by any streach,or at the moment terribley depressed.But the prospects for my future arent bright in my eyes,Im not whiining oh poor me ,as many have been thru much worse,but the common thing is most had a huge desrie to "beat it" and live . I just dont have that desire,been pretty much going thru the motions for years,no realy happy times and no realy bad times, and to me the best recovery senerio doesnt seem very appealing . Ive been in moderate controlable pain and discomfort for a while and the prospect of weeks or months of more or worse and trying to relearn a way of life to me at the moment doesnt excite me . Ah well we will see what tomorrow brings. Doug

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9 years 5 months ago #38791 by Patricia
I don't think your ramblings are much different than any of us who have been a caregiver to our parents or our significant other.
I saw my mother fight cardiomyopathy for much longer than any of the doctors said she could. But she managed her life and saved her energy for what was important to her. My father i took care of for 4 l/2 yrs with progressive dementia due to 2 strokes while having ill-advised heart surgery at 81. No one can prepare you for that scenario. And i lost my husband on the operating table to heart bypass screw-up and never got to say goodbye. It really does affect how you think about managing your own illness.
But do not jump the gun yet. You're in great hands. Many are not as fortunate. We're here to help you jump the hurdles.

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9 years 5 months ago #38790 by Grey
Well tomorrow I see the Doc all the test,biopsy's ,etc,etc should be in. Woke this am in a near panic as I had been dreaming of some kind of surgey and thought today was the day. Calmed down pretty quick so ok now. Little nervious about tomorrow ,not because of what he will tell me but will have to start making firm decisions ,have naturaly been thinking of them but nothing was chisled in stone as I dont have the real answers yet.Im a big quality of life person,especialy after watching my wife have a slow miserable passing ,she did everything avalible to beat it but still lost in the end .My mom passed from renal failure and chose to not go the dialisis route,she passed peacefully at my brothers with us both being caregivers,with the help of Hospic at the end. So I have experiance with both senerios,moms sure looked the best to me.
I have had lots of time to ponder on things one Ive come up with it our pets have a better deal than we do ,as an exampile when my dog Dot gets to the point where pain,or quaility of life is no longer a good deal I can just take her to the vet hold her in my arms and she can gently pass on ,done deal. We as people dont have that option,we are forced to go thru endless surgery's ,chemo,tests,terrible pain,Long recovers,sometimes poor quaility of life ,etc,etc. Im not saying you should be able to just say put me down,but if you have a terrible dieses,out look is not promising ,quality of life wont be that great,etc,and you are of sound mind and able to make rational decisions,I just dont understand why we shouldnt have that options as well after all its our life and we should have some say in how much we have to deal with. Just some early morning ramblings. So many questions and sometime so few answers.

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