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Father newly diagnosed

9 years 10 months ago #34172 by jimswife
George, How beautifully put! I appreciate your comments so much. SO caring. Carla

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9 years 10 months ago - 9 years 10 months ago #34171 by GKLINE

I am so sorry for you and your father. This is indeed a very tough diagnosis. As I read your post, I know every emotion you have shared with us. As a caregiver, I am sure you know that you have so much more emotion than even the cancer patient.

Your feelings are on a roller coaster now, and that is very normal. I hope your family is understanding. Please engage them. They need to feel included and not, "looking in from the outside." Even your young children will understand if you sit down and tell them everything. They just want to be a part of you.

As I have said before, the caregivers and family seem to have it harder than the patient at times. They can only give so much and they feel as if they can never do enough.

Your dad is in a tough place right now, but medical technology and the human body's ability to fight can produce amazing things. I know the reality is against this sort of optimism, but the time left should be filled with hope and love and celebration of life.

As a loving daughter, you know the importance of family and dignity, keep your father in the whole family. This illness is a part of life, and the whole family wants to share in it.

My prayers are with you and your family. Please feel free to call upon with us anytime!


Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he's warm forever.

08/08/08...RC neo bladder
09/09/09...New Hip
New Man! [/size]

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9 years 10 months ago #34170 by mcurtis4
HI Mike,

Thanks for your kind words. It did feel really good to get it out. I feel a little tired today but today is a new day. I am so glad that I found this site.

have a wonderful day!'


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9 years 10 months ago #34169 by mmc

So sorry to hear about your dad. Glad you found us here.
The gamut of emotions can be exhausting when a parent is in a situation like this.

The times when we are tempted to isolate ourselves are usually the times we need the love and support of others the most. Share with with your family and share with us. Keep in mind that everyone deals with this type of thing differently and they may not (actually, will not) feel or behave the same way as you and that is ok. People try to do the best they can.

Never worry about rambling here. It's a place to get it all out and who doesn't need a good cry now and then? That emotional release is important.

I wish you and your family the best in this tough time.


Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results....distant mets
2/2014 ct result...spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph...

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9 years 10 months ago #34167 by mcurtis4
My father is 73 y/o and was diagnosed with advanced stage bladder cancer at the end of June. He underwent a RC at the end of July. Tumor was larger than his surgeon thought it was going to be. Pathology report indicated that he had 15 of the 15 lymph nodes that were resected came back (+) for cancer. Plan is chemo. We have just been waiting for him to get his strength back before they start. It should be in about a week or so now. Had scans done and found cancer in the bones (ribs, clavicle, and back). Docs were a little surprised that he had no bone pain. Plan continues to be chemo with some added treatment to help "strengthen" the bones. I have done my research and know that this is not good. Stage IV with lymph node involvement and mets is not good at all.

My dad is amazing though. He knew that things are not really in his favor but he is just getting on with his life anyway. He is very invovled in a political organization in his town and is actually running for president of the organization. His positive attitude has really made things so much easier on my mother, brother, husband and I.

I do find myself feeling feelings I have never had before. The thought of losing my dad takes my breath away. I find that since I found out about the bone involvement I have been having an exceptionally difficult time. I feel like I should be doing something but there's nothing I can do. It is always on my mind. Work is a nice distraction but the moment I find myself alone there it is again.

The agressiveness of my father's bladder cancer has my head spinning. I am angry, feel hopeless, sad, scared...the list just goes on and on. I am trying very hard not to disconnect from my husband and kids(10 & 12). It would be so easy just to isolate form everyone. It's funny I find that some times I just don't want to talk about it and other times my need to talk is overwhelming.

I have been just rambling but I really needed to just get it all out. This site has made me sob to the point my whole body is shaking but it is so nice to have a place to go to where people really understand your situation. The support that I have read on this site is just beautiful.


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