I have low-grade noninvasive (same type as you from what I can tell from your postings), and have had one recurrence so far. Mine was after 2 years, and you have gone way longer than that. My Dad had the same type of cancer back in the 1970s, when they didn't have all the types of treatment and diagnostic procedures they do nowadays. He only had one recurrence, and died in 1989 at the age of 84 (not related to bladder cancer). As others have said here, you can almost count on bladder cancer to recur, but that doesn't mean it's going to be fatal.
I think people sometimes confuse "recurrence" (which is basically another tumor, or several, in the same area) with "metasisis" (spread of cancer to other parts of the body). Although low grade bladder cancer is still cancer, I like to imagine the tumors like pimples: sometimes there are none, and sometimes they reappear. The literature suggests that tumor recurrences have a strong tendency to be the same type and grade as the original tumor, so if you had a papillary low grade, noninvasive tumor, it's highly likely that future tumors will be the same.
Now that you've had a recurrence, you know your urologist will go back to checking you (cystoscope) every 3 months for the next 2 years; if all clear during that time, you will then be checked every 6 months for the 3 years following. I know it's very discouraging to feel as though you're starting back at the beginning after being clear for so long. When I had my recurrence at the 2 year point, I wasn't so much sad or worried -- I was MAD initially, because I'd really been looking forward to having to go only every 6 months. But, I'm accustomed to the 3-month routine, and after my summer check up this year, will (hopefully) get to the 6-month checks. However, this time, I'm not counting on it so I won't be as let down as I was before!
We're very glad you found this forum, and hope all will go well for you. One thing you should keep in mind if you read about various scary things in these forums is that people who are doing well and haven't had recurrences are much less apt to be posting here. We come here to get information when situations change and to support one another. When all is well, people tend to go to back to their usual lives and don't bother to come back to post -- "no news is good news."
Ann