Dear Wife,
I not only had a spouse with opinions but grown children, their spouses, a grown granddaughter and a surrogate daughter who has been in cancer research for years. I also had a local uro who gave me all the facts and then leaned back in his chair and said, if it were me or my wife I would say cystectomy but it's YOU and you have to feel comfortable with your decision. I had a T2, very aggresive and was given a choice of chemo/radiation or cystectomy. No BCG. I was going to go the chemo/radiation route until I communicated with Cynthia Kinsella and found out that after all she went through she had a cystectomy anyway. I know some people do the chemo/radiation and that's it but when I weighed all the options I found an incredible surgeon and decided on the cystectomy. My whole family wanted me to have the cytectomy because the prognosis was better but ultimately, because I knew I could not have a neobladder because of the location of the tumor. they let me make the decision. Before the operation all of my CT. scans, bone scans, blood work etc. were perfect. It turns out all the cancer was contained in the bladder and I am now cancer free, no chemo needed. All the lymph nodes that were removed were negative as well as everything from the hysterectomy so ultimately I feel I made the right decision. There were times, however, that I was not thinking clearly because of worry and being tired. Your body really gets tired trying to fight cancer and I was taking care of my little granddaughter and blaming my tiredness on that, so I really did take what everyone was telling me into consideration when I made my decision.
The Carpenter is lucky to have you. I was the Wife 4 1/2 years ago when Hubby had a heart attack and triple bypass. Very active man. Well drilling contractor all his life so a bypass was not on his to do list. Being the Wife is hard and you are doing a great job.
I will keep you both in my prayers.
Jean