Barbara
I'm sorry to hear that your dad is having trouble engaging with daily life after surgery.
This is not uncommon; he needs to participate in his recovery, and gain the new life skills he needs.
I found that i was too close to directly help my father. I needed find help to get the help my father needed. I was the wrong person to force him to do what he needed to do - professional help was needed. This may be the situation you face.
From you post, it appears that he needs help eating, he may need a dietary consult to plan meals he will actually eat and provide the appropriate nutrition. He may need occupational therapy in addition to visits from his stoma nurse. Occupational therapy helps people gain the skills they need to meet the challenges of daily life; to allow success in living with a new and different normal.
Physical therapy will help him "get moving" - rebuilding strength after his surgery. Since it is felt he may be depressed, that should be addressed - will pills make a difference, or does he need a therapist to work with him, to motivate him out of possibly unhealthy thoughts ?
You know how your dad has changed since surgery, and you can best describe where he needs help.
I discovered that there were two parts to getting help. I needed to know about his insurance and what they would cover, then I had to find the needed providers. I finally found a rehabilitation agency that could provide most of what my father needed and accepted his insurance. Start with his doctors - ask them how to get help for your dad. Don't take no for an answer.
Ask for help. Call his surgeon, his regular doctor, and clergy if that applies. Call the cancer society,his insurance company, the medicare help line, the VA if he is a veteran, Community senior agencies - anyone who MIGHT be able to help.
It is a big task that we were not prepared for. Expect to spend a lot of time on the phone. You can do it.
Best
Jack
