LadyBug,
Thank you for being there for your father.
In a similar situation with an elderly family member not is as great as shape as your father, the question became 'What were the doctors willing to do?". Clearly, the surgeons were concerned about the ability of the patient to participate in her recovery; would surgery possibly extend life but reduce quality of life.
That was our dilemma. The doctor saw a patient he knew little about, while we knew her, but little about the challenge of recovery.
Bringing her Primary doctor into the conversation provided the information that helped all of us, together reach a decision. Perhaps this could help in your situation. It was a tough time for all.
Best,
Jack