Hi all.. My husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer in late January. He is 48, and it is muscle invasive. they already took the tumor out (can't remember the procedure name) on January 24th. The plan was to start chemo and go for a few rounds then take bladder AND prostate out, as that is the best course of action to help prevent a reoccurrence. We are having a tough time coming to accept this course of action. Particularly with the prostate. The bladder, I see, is a necessity. As a standard of care, all his physicians, have all echoed that prostate is an organ that needs to come out, as his cancer was muscle invasive. There was no metastasis thank God..but we did go for a 2nd opinion for surgical reasons only, with another surgical urologist. He came highly recommended. The previous one was sort of cold.
Needless to say, he agreed with all the other doctors, but his method for removal is laparoscopic, and he said that due to my husband's age, he/we go the new bladder route. we were really glad he did.He also mentioned that if he could, he would go the nerve sparing route with prostate.
He just finished round 2 of chemo
Methotrexate
Doxorubicin
Vinblastine
Cisplatin
The first round was fairly tolerated, and he was tired A LOT, and along with that, some mild nausea. Headaches were severe.
After this 2nd round, (we are about 18 days into chemo), it seemed that he was tolerating it better, but on the 5th day, bam! He was down for the count. The worst of it was yesterday, when he was scheduled to work, but could barely make it out of bed. Anxiety, fear and all those emotions were present. I was working to help reduce his discomfort, but I am finding I am severely limited. I am giving him time, and letting him listen to his body. His hair, also is starting to come out, which as if all of these things weren't bad enough, the cold finality of this sign is depressing to him, and even me. Nausea is a little worse too, but it seems that he is doing better, even if marginally.
Another reason I am writing is because we are young, and haven't been married 2 years yet. The thought of losing him FAR OUTWEIGHS the trauma and devastation of us not being intimate, but I want and hE REALLY wants to retain our intimacy. It might be different, but Icannot imagine our lives any other way. We have had a second chance and it is with each other. I am wondering if anyone else is struggling in this manner, being a caregiver, with guilt and helpless and hopelessness as well. I love, adore, and admire this man so much. I am struggling with not being able to do anything to make it go away and he is miserable.
It seems he's not the same person, and I totally GET that.
I feel I need help, or someone that can shed some hope in this situation, or if any of you have husbands going through this, or have. If you were successful and HOW you made it through and if you have any sort of intimacy. Sorry for this being so long. I just need to reach out. Thank you
