In denial

Helen, I’m pretty sure the devil is behind DENIAL- just to allow the cancer cells to spread around to other parts of the body. Be strong. We are all here to stand behind you and support you both.

hello Helen
Welcome, sorry you have a situation that you need to come to this site. We all have been where y'all are. I would just like to say with this site there is many people who you may never meet but care.

Rich

Helen

Thanks so much for chiming in on your own. I firmly believe that caregivers and spouses need to be here as much as the patient. During my recovery I was able to gauge my progress minute by minute and know what was going on. Audrey (my wife) was left with her mind fearing the worst and hoping for the best, but never really knowing. And this just tore her apart. I finally started giving her updates on a regular basis and never trying to hold back or hide anything.

Speaking honestly from the patient's point of view. I had it easier than Audrey. She could only hope to soo me get better and I just got to get better first hand. We came to find that long conversations about EVERYTHING made the journey easier.

And Funilly enough; our bond grew ever stronger for it.

Keep pushing your side Helen. This is a team sport and the caregiver is 52% of the success story.

George

ps. Your husband is going to make it just fine. Low grade diagnosis and a great team mate. I have every confidence in you both.

As always, Mike, put it in a nutshell and he is right on all counts. Jim and I have always been a close couple but the bc has brought us even closer. So, hang in there, Helen, it will be a bumpy ride some days but you will get through this. Come visit often and we are here for you!

Helen,

Glad you joined us. We are ALL different. It "hits" each of us differently and all we can do is process in our own way at our own pace.

What happens a lot is that couples each try to be the strong one for the other and they don't share how they really feel. Other times they share and the other isn't ready to hear.

Example>
Spouse: I am afraid of losing you and don't know what I'd do if you died.

Person with cancer: Well gee, apparently it's all about you! I'm the one with cancer you know!

The above can and does happen. At the same time, the above is sometimes thought but never said. It is perfectly normal for each person to think about it from just their own perspective (patient: I don't want to die; spouse: what happens to me if he/she dies) as well as (patient: OMG, what must he/she be feeling now? How can I lessen his/her fear and worry? Should I share my feelings or will that just scare him/her more? spouse: OMG, what must he/she be feeling now? Should I share my feelings or will that just put more of a burden on him/her when he/she needs all their strength to face this beast?).

BUT, a strong relationship can get past that and a middle of the road relationship can get even stronger.

Emotions are all over the map for both people in a couple. Sometimes it is hard to talk about and other times it is easy. Timing is everything.

Deciding how to tackle it (the cancer treatment) together can be helpful.

Cutting each other some slack is also important.

As you each learn more the fear will reduce. View this as a team.

As has been said, your husband's at a very treatable stage. Even the next stage is very treatable even if the treatment is more aggressive. Mine went to the T2 (muscle invasive) stage and I had to have my bladder removed, but today that is no big deal and I'm going on four years cancer free.

Based on the concern and posts I've read from both of you, you guys are going to make it through this together just fine. There will be ups and downs and you are going to get even closer (hard to believe, huh?).

Mike

Helen, when Jim was diagnosed in the July 2010 I almost lost it, wait I did for about an hour. Then I realized that without us working as a team we wouldn't be able to beat the b**tard cancer BC. Together, even with Jim's stage IV diagnosis with local spread, we can say Jim is alive and living a pretty normal life 2 yrs out. Not everyone is doomed with cancer these days. While we know Jim's cancer will probably come back, he says he will wait until he is about 80 yrs old for that to happen. How's that for a positive attitude? Mind you we had our moments of dispair, fear and just OMG how will we get through this HUGE surgery, this horrible chemo etc. But, at the end of the day we have each other and we supported each other. I found the shower an excellent place for crying BTW, nobody there but me! Take good care of YOU. We are here for you!