Telling teenage children your diagnosis

i was just diagnosised last wk. have both tranistional/small cell bladder cancer, which is not common. only symptom i had were 2 UTI's with some blood in it few months ago. nothing else. have been recomended to have chemo then radical cystectomy. i am so scarred. had to tell teen sons, and daughter. they did not take it well, but wanted me to keep it honest with them. like me the unknown to them how every bad, it even worst. will begin chemo in 4 days. live in US, in the medical meca... northeast... have the world class care.
waiting for some other test results and I am so scared...not for me.. for the unknown and for my children. to see them suffer is the worst of all. i just love them so much. to see my husband hurt and sufferring is the worse then then diagnois of cancer. i am in my 40's don't smoke, drink, or work with any chemicals. no family hx, to say why do i have this?? i don't know.
does anyone else have both these types of bladder cancer? if so what was your outcome? just want to know what to expect.
thank you

Maria,
Its good he knows whats up. I think it important too that he keep his life on track, keep the same schedule . Be with friends, etc. Normalcy as much as possible.I know in our family our children jumped in and took charge of things but I wanted them to know this wasn't our giving up just a temporary set back. Keeping things lite, always keep your sense of humor if at all possible. It all helps!!!
They perceive what they see...take care and good luck,, Ginger

Maria,

I see lots of good comments to your concern...and I agree...it's always best to share that type of information. Knowledge is power...the unknown makes us fearful.

My two were 19 and 21 last summer when we gave them the news. My husband wanted to tell our son and so he did and then we had a family meeting when our daughter got home and told her. We did not tell them when I first found out as they were studying for finals and waited until those were over. Our daughter was much more emotional than our son was about it but of course that doesn't mean he wasn't affected...we all were.

Luckily for me, my mother-in-law has battled BC since she was 52 and is now almost 89, so I only had to remind the kids that we are often able to survive cancer...at least she has for almost 40 years now. And I read somewhere that some woman lived to be 108 and she had beat cancer back several times during her life. So we can triumph over this nasty diease. Look or some positive examples to share with him as that might help him feel better about it. Take care, Melodie

Thank you for your replies. I sure do have a fantastic son ......he takes after his fantastic Dad. 'My boys' as I have always affectionately called them are my motivation to get through this.
I know its going to be difficult some days, but I am determined to survive this!!!!
I have an appointment with the 'look good feel good' project via the American Cancer Society next week with husband and son joining me, just know we are going to apply our great sense of humor during this visit. I have to stay positive!

Maria, it sounds like you have a great son. I think it is a really good idea to have him go with you when you see your oncologist. I believe in letting family members know what is going on with as much detail as they can absorb. The word cancer is a scary word and many people think it is the equivalent of a death sentence and we have to explain that bladder cancer is something that many people live with for years and years. I don't think it gets easier to live with the idea that each time we visit the Dr. there may be signs of a tumor but for many if they are vigilant the bladder cancer can be kept in place.

I will say I don't think it is ever easy to tell ones children no matter what their age. This year we had to tell our 38 and 40 year old that their father's BC had metastasized and we don't know how long he will live with it. Right now there is no sign of cancer but we know that can change at anytime.

When my sister had kidney cancer her son was about 16 and daughter was 20. I think my nephew's method was to ignore it as much as he could and her daughter was some help. She is now 5 years post surgery and doing well.

We have four children, the youngest being our daughter who is 15. We told her from the very beginning about my diagnosis of bladder cancer. I believe that children become very fearful when they know something is wrong and no one is talking. Their imaginations take over. I promised my daughter to follow up on all the treatments and to do what the doctor recommends even though those things can be uncomfortable. She feels safe, knowing we will always be honest with her about what is going on. Like us, when we know what we are dealing with we find a way to cope.

I also think your son will learn from you how to face the challenges that come to us being the humans that we are. As your son watches you have good days and bad days, days of faith and days of doubt, happy days and days you cry he will learn even more about being human, about compassion, about courage and fear and the importance of family. You did a wonderful and courageous think by telling your son. He is very strong. After-all, he is your son!

We have also told our daughter that I have been referred to an oncologist for suspected uterine and or ovarian cancer. My biopsy is tomorrow. And her 3 older brothers know as well.
Bless you and your family!