Home Forums All Categories Muscle Invasive Bladder Cancer What can the kids expect?

  • What can the kids expect?

    Posted by MyChoice on March 1, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    Hi All,

    I have young children ages 9 & 10. When I come home from the hospital post RC and neobladder what can they expect to witness? Are there any ideas to lesson the impact? Besides the folly what else will be visable, like drain tubes, etc? How hard is it to get around the first few weeks? Should I make them part of any of the process? Thanks so much for your comments in advance. We do not plan on having them around the hospital the first several days. Ben


    PC 7/2/12
    T3a/N2/M0
    upnorth replied 12 years, 11 months ago 5 Members · 7 Replies
  • 7 Replies
  • upnorth's avatar

    upnorth

    Member
    March 5, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Good Job! Pam and Ben.


    Age 55
    Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
    “Please don’t cry because it is over….. Smile because it happened!” {Dr. Seuss} :)
  • mychoice's avatar

    mychoice

    Member
    March 5, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Thanks everyone for the great advice. I have started informing and involving them now. It seems to have reduced the tention in the house. It was hard for me and my wife to have to watch what we said. We wanted to make sure what the plan was before saying anything so it has all come together now. Thanks


    PC 7/2/12
    T3a/N2/M0
  • sailorman's avatar

    sailorman

    Member
    March 5, 2012 at 1:07 am

    I would suggest involving the kids in helping you when you are newly home. They can walk with you and yes, just like in the hospital, walking is very important and having someone with you is a good thing. They can also fetch you the remote, a drink, etc and it will be good for them to feel part of helping you. You can set up a watchbill for them and it will make them feel very adult.

    My kids were older at the time, the oldest was living in Korea at the time and missed it all, the second was finishing his plebe year at USNA and the youngest spent most of the year doing her junior year in High School in Greece so in general it was just my wife and I. The one at USNA wanted to help and as the following year went on, he came up whenever he could to do yard work and otherwise assist.

  • mychoice's avatar

    mychoice

    Member
    March 2, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Holly, Sara Anne, Mark,

    Thanks so much for the heart felt advic\ce, We take all of it in. I worry most about our autistic child because he will be mostly unaware until I come home and then he will be stressed about what is wrong with dad. We will make it work for the best, thats what we do. Thank you guys!


    PC 7/2/12
    T3a/N2/M0
  • upnorth's avatar

    upnorth

    Member
    March 2, 2012 at 2:38 am

    Ben, You are going to teach your children how to handle situations like this. Show them to not fear cancer but to try and understand its processes.

    Let them help you along the way so that they feel apart of your recovery. This can be any small act you feel they can handle well. This may seem small and not very important to you, but to them they will always remember how they helped Dad get through recovery.

    As a father we have to teach our children many things. Cancer is a nasty lesson to learn, but just think of this, what you teach them now may someday save thier lives.

    I know this well. I lost my father to BC 20 years ago. But what he taught me was to pay attention to my body and get help while there is still a chance.

    He may have died, but last Christmas he gave me the greatest gift of all. LIFE.

    I had my first TURB done then, and things look real good for me now.

    I hope this helps. Mark


    Age 55
    Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
    “Please don’t cry because it is over….. Smile because it happened!” {Dr. Seuss} :)
  • sara.anne's avatar

    sara.anne

    Member
    March 2, 2012 at 2:16 am

    I would only second what Holly said that children “will fear most what you don’t tell them.” They will know that there is stress and uncertainty. Of course, you know your children better than anyone else, but it is probably best that you share the situation with them, in an age-appropriate manner.

    They could be told that you have a cancer that is fortunately very curable. that you will be having some surgery to remove the bladder and the cancer. that this will probably cure it forever. that you will be learning to pee all over again just like when they were little….

    Let them share your small victories….

    Best of luck to you, and cherish those kids!!

    Sara Anne


    Diagnosis 2-08 Small papillary TCC; CIS
    BCG; BCG maintenance
    Vice-President, American Bladder Cancer Society
    Forum Moderator
  • Mznoregrets's avatar

    Mznoregrets

    Member
    March 2, 2012 at 2:04 am

    Hi there,

    My son was 23 and just home from Iraq when I was dx’d, did rc neobladder and chemo. He moved in with us to help me and spend time with me after we found out the cancer was so advanced (3b). My bonus kids (stepkids) were 7 and 9 and around alot although they lived with their mom.
    We told them when surgery was coming and that we would vacation at home that summer. They were great about helping around the house and being more gentle around me.
    When I had to do chemo, we also talked about it as a family some. I lost a lot of weight and was hospitalized alot, and it scared them to see me with the neuropathy in my hands and feet so bad. For a while they had visitation with their dad at hotels as my risk of infections was too high. I did 4 rounds of cisplatin and gemzar.
    When chemo was done and I had started to feel better, we had a “no more chemo” party, and took a long weekend at the Wis Dells to celebrate. But just a few months later, scans showed the cancer had spread to my hip. Sharing that was very hard. When I asked them if they had any questions I could answer for them, they really only had 1…They worried about catching cancer. We had a good dialogue and they seemed relieved.
    Fortunately I have no signs of bone mets now. I did a heavy duty naturopathic regime to increase my ph and eliminated sugar, take chlorropyll and plant enzymes, etc. More complex than just that – but that is another post.
    I think with the younger kids, they fear most what you don’t tell them. When they see you look like hell, but say everything is fine – that scares them most.
    Hope I helped and keep up the fight, Holly

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