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Three years after cystectomy
This is my first time writing. I am 57 and was diagnosed with bladder cancer 4 years ago and in October 2010 had a cystectomy. I have always been very positive and I can not say enough about the treatment I received. I am very a athletic person and able to go back to playing handball, racquetball, and tennis within months after my operation. The only problem I am having is that before my operation I was always positive and happy. Now every once in a while I get very depressed. I am
married and because of my physical changes sexually get depressed very easy. I am very careful not to show my feelings because my family has never seen this new part of me. In every other way I am extremely happy. I teach and coach and
love every other part of my life. -
12 Replies
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Every day I’m vertical is a great day. Embrace the rain and the snow but especially embrace those close to you. They want you to be around.
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I come to read the wisdom and courage displayed by the very real people who sit at their keyboards and share their lives. Yes ED came to me and I learned my love and unity with my wife, the wonderful caregiver who walked with me through the valley of cancer, we are more ‘one’ now than I ever thought possible — yup sex is all in my head now and I just smile in graditude for my life, my soul mate and knowing I have never walked alone. Hang in there, the Best is Yet to Come.
Age 72 had radical 9/11/10 have conduit everything is fine, grateful to be a cancer survivor. Lost Dad and Brother to Cancer both in their 50’s.
I am sorry to welcome you to this site. But I am glad you are a survivor.
I know, that after surgery, you are only focused on LIVING. And during recovery, things start to get back to normal very quickly, and soon you are feeling like a human again. And then things seem to go into slow motion….. very VERY, slow motion indeed.The incontinence is the most embarassing thing. It has been 4 1/2 years since I had my Cystectomy and I still suffer from nighttime incontinence issues. I am sorry to say, this is an individual issue. Some never have a problem, and others, like me, have some leakage issues. I am just luck to be able to laugh at them as much as I can. I feel lucky that this is my only issue. So, you gotta, kinda, work with it. Keegle exercises work to minimize the leakage issue. Ask your wife. If she has had a child…. she knows keegles. Twnety five at the stoplight is what my wife was told after childbirth.
As for the sexual erection issues. I am assuming your surgeon did a “nerve sparing surgery” and, with time, you will get function to return. This I know, is VERY frustrating, and requires a Very strong sense of hunor and a compassionate partner. I too, fell in to the same sexual funk after a long leriod of sexual disfunction. I started by trying Viagra and even a sexual pump. They worked….somewhat. But time was my only real cure. I must admit that I had many failed attempts during that first year, but we kept on trying. I was JUST like you. Very depressed. And I kinda thought, at age 54, that It was over.
But after the first year, Things slowly, and I mean SSlllllooooooooowwwwwly started to some together. Even now, as long as it has been, it is still not the same as it was. I still use a viagra to be sure. But, it will come back. Patience, patience, patience.I hope this is a help for you. I know where you are at right now and I can sympathize. But, think of your blessings so far;
You are alive!
You are a Survivor, in the real sense.
The worst is over and the best is yet to come.
You found this site! Full of support and lunacy
You WILL get better! But at a slower rate than you would like.I hope this is a help
George
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
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New Man! [/size]
I will turn 55 in April .After getting chemo from july through september 2012 i had a cystectomy in october .So it’s been 4 month .I’m passing that stage of the trauma of suffering and where i’m simply happy to have survived this .No I’m recovering but i have these incontinency issues and the sexual handicap is really affecting me . My surgeon said that i can hope for nerves to reconnect in a year or two .He also said that i can inject some product with a needle that could allow me to have a sexual activity.I haven’t tried that yet .. I’m hoping everyday that it will come back to normal someday .It’s very depressing ,i agree .
Take a few minuets to analyze your depression. You will probably find as I did that it is a self-centered emotion. I try to get involved in other things that take my mind in other directions. Our neighborhood food closet needed help over the Christmas season. It was good to be a little help. I audition for acting roles for community theatres. The casting folks seldom need my flawless acting ability but I’m pretty good at making sets & locating props. I recently got a dog. That’s certainly one way to shake up things around the house.
I have loaded up several MP3 players with up beat cheerful tunes. It takes lots of time to locate just the right songs and just the right version but it’s fun to check on the songs that have peaked at number one then disappeared.
It is not at all surprising that you are experiencing gloominess this time of year Christmas is a popular time for depression. The short gloomy winter days are a natural environment for us to have dark thoughts and introspection.
Volunteer. There are lots of needy people around and helping them is a good way to get your mind on better footing.
I’m 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010
All kinds of things can trigger depression. There are also excellent treatment options available.
Speak to your doctor about it.Life should have joy and depression takes away or mutes joy. A physical or emotional trigger can cause a physical imbalance in the brain that basically blocks joy from being felt the way it should. Often, temporary meds can straighten things out. Other times, taking meds permanently fixes it. Counseling can also help people think about things in different ways.
Best of luck to you!
Mike
Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results….distant mets
2/2014 ct result…spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph system
My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinion of ABLCS or anyone else. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV.
Depression can be very dangerous. It comes & goes. Try to assign a number for it between 0 and 10. When it gets difficult seek professional help. I take nortriptyline from years before BC.
I’m 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010
Thanks, George. We are so very blessed for sure! I know you and your wonderful wife have an awesome relationship as well. It takes the two of us some days other days not so much. But, it’s great to know we are here for each other!
Just one word
“Sweet!”
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]
As always George said it so much better than I ever could. Know we are all here for you and have been where you are as well. In all our years of marriage I was so pleased when one day not long ago Jim said “I know I couldn’t have made it through this without you. Thank you so much, I love you.” Wow, out of the blue. I know we all think of the 900 pound gorilla each day, we can’t help but do that. But, we also know that we have to move beyond that and say, “aren’t we fortunate to have made it this far?”. You probably don’t know this but my husband Jim was diagnosed in July 2010 with stage IV BC. I was devastated but here we are 2.5 yrs later and he is still cancer free. We revel in that and LIVE each day in spite of the b**tard cancer BC. Know we are here for you whenever you need us! Stay well.
I know how you feel.
It’s been 4 years for me. Just last nite I had a discussion with my wife about this. We had just come back from a funeral for a family member who took his own life and we kept thinking that my inlaws were so detatched from the whole thing. This started a discussion of how they didn’t deal with “our” cancer deal 4 years ago.
My wife asked me how much I think about cancer, now that it has been 4 years. I said, honestly, “every day.”
She was quick to reply that she thinks about it every day as I walk in the door after work.
It is normal to feel depressed at times. I know I do at times. Suddenly the incontinence at night isn’t something easily shrugged off. The fear of E.D. makes sex a little bit of a stress test. And Suddenly, BOOM! we fall into a quick deep hole.But the good thing is it only lasts a short time, you, become you, again. If you fall into a deep depression for long periods of time and can’t get out, then you may need some outside help from a professional. BUT, before you go to that length, pull in your best friend…. your wife. I ALWAYS fine her to be “there for me”
Good luck. And we’ll be around for a shoulder to lean on.
Everything is fair game here. So you can “Ask” “Unload” “Vent” “Rage” you name it! You can put anything on the table…. We’ll “talk about it!”George
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]
Hi, I cannot imagine anyone NOT having a few moments of wow I am not as up as I might want to be even without BC in their lives. Perhaps in your case you were so busy taking care of the BC that you never had the opportunity to work through what all has happened in your life? I know that cancer of any sort is a HUGE hit to our minds no matter what. My first suggestion to you would be to reach out to your wife and let her know that you are having these feelings. Holding them in and to yourself won’t make them go away. If talking your feelings our with her doesn’t seem to work discuss it with your primary care doctor and he will most likely have some suggestions.
I know that when Jim was first diagnosed with his BC I was overwhelmed almost to the point I moved totally by will. I cried in the shower so much I cannot tell you. It scared me unbelievably. But, by coming to this forum and another and discussing my feelings I found the support I needded. It may not be all that you do need but do come back here often because I know many others have been where you are right now. Meanwhile, look at your life you are 3 yrs out and doing well. What a gift! Wishing you the very best!
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