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Preparing for the end….
I wrote on the forum for the first time last week with some details on my 70-yr old father’s battle with BC. We found out last week his metastatic BC has spread to his colon and rectum area where it caused a blockage and required a colostomy about 8 weeks ago. He got a call today after they reviewed last week’s biopsies and all indications are that we are nearing the end of this tumultous journey. He is going to see his BC surgeon tomorrow for a consultation on what is likely the dreadful discussion on what / if anything they recommend at this point. But it sounds like it will just be to tell him how much time he has left and what they suggest to make him comfortable. They have mentioned nothing about further surgery, radation or chemo.
I will be going to FL to spend time with him and my mom next week as it sounds he is ready to begin making preparations for what are likely his final months to live. They are both still a bit in shock, so I am somehow going to have to dig deep and find some strength to help them get these things in order to make it easier when that time comes and also and give him some comfort that my brothers and I will take care of my mom when he is gone. My hope at this point is that he gets some relief from the pain and can see all his kids and grandkids over the next few weeks and have one last happy moment with family!! He has been a wonderful father, and he deserves that..
God bless all of you who are similarly dealing with this horrble disease.
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7 Replies
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Dhva, just do 1 think every day. You tell your dad that you love him!!
I never really got to tell my dad that I loved him when he died almost 2 years ago!!
T1,NO,MO battling bladder cancer since 2005
As the daughter of a father who had bladder cancer and died just one year ago this month, I feel your pain. My Dad was 86 when he left this world and his bladder cancer had come back 6 years after he had his bladder removed. It had spread to his ureters and possibly lung. He was really never the same after that big surgery. He was in hospice care the last couple of months of his life. He and my Mom had been married for 66 years and losing Dad has been hard on her (and all of us.) I’m not sure one is ever prepared to lose someone they love. Make every day count and never forget to say “I love you” every chance you get.
I appreciate the responses and advice, it is comforting. I have already begun researching pain management and hospice options. I will share information as things develop with the hope that somoene could possibly benefit and/or learn something from our experiences. I also feel a little more solace when I can express my feelings freely on here with many people who are dealing with BC. Lastly, I plan to try and do more to support Bladder Cancer awareness in honor of my dad’s battle.
So Sorry
I feel so sorry for all of you. But you are a master of wordcraft. I felt as though I was right there with you as I read your post. I don’t know you or your dad, but I feel every emotion through your words.
The Love came through. Your family deserves better than this, but then again, your family has more Love than most.Make the time you have count.
George
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]
Thanks for posting, and my sympathies for the newest diagnosis. It is not the one anyone wants to hear. Your story is a sad reminder that not all episodes of BC are positive peaches & cream. It is a vicious disease that can kill. Even so, it can be beneficial to the BC community. There are people who ignore, reject, or refuse the possibility of BC. If just one sees your story, and realizes “Holy Shit, this crap may kill me”, and seeks help, your contributions have been worthwhile. Please do follow up along the way.
Your journey sounds like many of the things I did at the time. Family time, settling personal affairs, having more fun than dwelling on the issue. Patient care, along with that personal support needed. Caring thoughts to you and the family.
I am so sorry to hear this latest news. I wholly support Sara Anne’s suggestion about hospice. Until an aunt was under hospice care a couple of years ago, I only associated hospice with help to the dying, but I saw that they provide so much support and comfort to the family members and caregivers as well.
My thoughts will be with your Dad and Mom, and with you, as they get through his next doctor visit. Please feel free to come back here as often as you need to release some of your emotions and grief that you don’t want to display in front of your parents.
Best wishes… CatherineTURBT 1/21/10 at age 55
Dx: T2aN0M0 Primary Bladder Adenocarcinoma
Partial Cystectomy 2/25/10
Vanderbilt Medical Center
Nashville, TN
I am so sorry. There is really nothing anyone can say to make it go away.
One piece of advice. HOSPICE, HOSPICE, HOSPICE. They have so much to offer in the way of support at all levels. Many families wait much too long to ask for their help.
My father was a home/hospice patient for almost six months before his death. Mom had support any time she needed it, and sometimes when she didn’t KNOW she needed it. A male nurse came several times a week to bathe and shave Daddy. A respite worker came to sit with him while Mom got out of the house…did grocery shopping, got her hair cut, just got AWAY for a bit. They provided a hospital bed, wheelchair, commode….anything Daddy needed. Plus the support of social workers. It made his last few months a joy for him and for mother.
I urge you to help your family get this help now.
Sara Anne
Diagnosis 2-08 Small papillary TCC; CIS
BCG; BCG maintenance
Vice-President, American Bladder Cancer Society
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