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My dad is so depressed
Hi my dad is 3 weeks post op from bladder removal surgery. He lives with me but has his own apartment. He has an ileal conduit (stoma) and uses an ostomy bag. He has lost a lot of weight and has no appetite and was not even drinking he had to go back in the hospital for dehydration he is now home and regretting that he has done this even though we did not have a choice the other option would’ve been a slow and painful death as cancer invaded his body he’s very weak on one side and needs PT I was wondering if any of the care givers have experienced this and have any words of wisdom for me I am his daughter and I feel very bad about the situation and how bad He feels. We currently have a visiting nurse, and she is supposed to be teaching him how to clean and change his ostomy bag but he closes his eyes and looks the other way the doctor has put him on a low-dose antidepressant 15 mg of Remeron He doesn’t have much of an appetite though and he advice would be greatly appreciated
Barbara -
1 Reply
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Barbara
I’m sorry to hear that your dad is having trouble engaging with daily life after surgery.
This is not uncommon; he needs to participate in his recovery, and gain the new life skills he needs.
I found that i was too close to directly help my father. I needed find help to get the help my father needed. I was the wrong person to force him to do what he needed to do – professional help was needed. This may be the situation you face.
From you post, it appears that he needs help eating, he may need a dietary consult to plan meals he will actually eat and provide the appropriate nutrition. He may need occupational therapy in addition to visits from his stoma nurse. Occupational therapy helps people gain the skills they need to meet the challenges of daily life; to allow success in living with a new and different normal.
Physical therapy will help him “get moving” – rebuilding strength after his surgery. Since it is felt he may be depressed, that should be addressed – will pills make a difference, or does he need a therapist to work with him, to motivate him out of possibly unhealthy thoughts ?
You know how your dad has changed since surgery, and you can best describe where he needs help.
I discovered that there were two parts to getting help. I needed to know about his insurance and what they would cover, then I had to find the needed providers. I finally found a rehabilitation agency that could provide most of what my father needed and accepted his insurance. Start with his doctors – ask them how to get help for your dad. Don’t take no for an answer.
Ask for help. Call his surgeon, his regular doctor, and clergy if that applies. Call the cancer society,his insurance company, the medicare help line, the VA if he is a veteran, Community senior agencies – anyone who MIGHT be able to help.
It is a big task that we were not prepared for. Expect to spend a lot of time on the phone. You can do it.
Best
Jack
6/2015 HG Papillary & CIS
3 Years and 30 BCG/BCG+Inf
Tis CIS comes back.
BC clear as of 5/17 !
RCC found in my one & only kidney 10/17
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