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Mum home, but she is so angry
Hi
Mum has been home a day or so now and the euphoria of being discharged home has turned to anxiety and anger.
She has now got some sleeping tablets to help her sleep, but she said both her and dad can hardly eat as they are both so angry at mum getting cancer.
Its not quite a month since she found out she had cancer and I wondered if it was normal to have a delayed reaction, i.e. to anger and anxiety and how long that will last and can I do anything to help them through this.
I’m just sad and cry, anger hasn’t hit me yet.
Moglie
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6 Replies
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Thanks, I appreciate that. We have the Royal Marsden on Monday, so fingers crossed for that.
Hope you are doing ok.x
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I hope your Mum is feeling better able to cope with the new situation. Call me if you need to.
Betsy Mae
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Moglie, Anger is a reasonable response to finding out you have cancer, need treatment and have your bladder out. That is a lot to take in. Anxiety is also common especially when you are waiting for results. What is important is what people do with the anger. Anger can be a motivator to seek out information, the best treatment, the best doctor all of which are important when coping with Bladder Cancer both as the person with the disease and the caregivers.
How to help is to be a listener. It really helps to feel like people are listening.
They are lucky to have you to go to bat for your Mother. Julie
Volunteer Coordinator
ABLSC
Moglie, My favorite saying. You have to get bitter, to get better. We have all been there, we all remember it. As Mike said, it’s all a part of it.
Bladder cancer is not the end of the world. Your parents will turn their thoughts of anger, into thoughts of beating this.
Just imagine how happy we all will be, when mum beats this!!!!O happy day, Jim
Age 54
T1NOMX,Grade 3 Urothelial CIS (Carcinoma in Situ)
Neobladder 5/19/2009
Prostate Capsule Sparing
U of M Hospital, Ann Arbor, Michigan
Thanks Mike, I’m going to see her GP on Monday to see if she can organise any cancer counselling and also look at holistic therapies such as EFT.
I just don’t want her giving up before we’ve even started.
Moglie
It is perfectly normal.
At first there is often just shock and fear.
Then comes anger.The typical stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Everybody works through them at their own pace.
As for what you can do, let her be your guide. As I mentioned, anger is a part of it all. Do a Google search on “Stages of grief” and you will find info that describes the phases.
Keep in mind that you are also going through the process of grieving. Everyone is different and sometimes people just need to be left to their own devices to work through things.
Sometimes people with cancer also get guilt feelings. “I must have dome something to cause this”, “It’s my fault I won’t be able to enjoy more time with my family, grandkids, etc.”.
Reassurance from others is nice but not always welcome. You have to play it by ear. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Sometimes stuff just happens.
It takes a while for some people to come to the realization that “It is what it is so I just have to make the best of everything”.
You might point her to the site here if she is so inclined. It can be helpful talking with folks that have “been there, done that”.
Mike
Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results….distant mets
2/2014 ct result…spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph system
My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinion of ABLCS or anyone else. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV.Sign In to reply.
