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Moving on
Hi everyone,
This past weekend of postings has been disturbing. Not only am I extemely distressed with how direspectfully some members are allowed to post a point blank antagonistic message, but also the stress it caused me to handle it. This forum has been helpful to me the last 15 months I have been dealing with BC, but now I am questioning what is yet to be helpful.
I would like to thank the forum members who have been there and guided me to good drs and sound treatment, for offering friendship when friends seem to evaporate, and for allowing me to give back to folks just finding the forum. It has made this scary journey less intimidating. For everything – thank you. Whatever lies ahead with my bc – I feel more equipped to face it for having been part of this forum.
Facing my cancer dx has changed the person I was profoundly. The “stuff of life” became clear while all the petty crap fell away. My “bucket” list is clear and I am on top of it! I appreciate more all the sweet things and am better able to handle the bittersweet, too. Overall, I can honestly say I am living each day deeply and savoring every morsel. Indeed, my life has become more authentic and full of gratitude for each breath.
Some things I have suspected of life have been proved here. Like the value of one person natural right should stop short of usurping anothers right. I used to think this was most prominently evident with car stereos at stoplights, but I saw it most clearly in how a person expresses their opinion. I suspected it to be true that life really is 10% circumstance and 90% how we handle it. Now I am sure. Some may believe cancer is more destructive than a toxic attitude, but I personally come to believe the corrosives contained in a person’s soul to be far stronger than cancer cells at killing the spirit.
My email is ho**********@ya***.com and Pat, Melodie and Susan know how to reach me :) I have found some wonderful friends here, and I hope many others faced with bc find that here,too. I just can’t reconcile the recent postings in a way that I am OK with.
God Bless, Holly -
11 Replies
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Wendy you are right and you even gave them a Caregivers Room to let folks vent. I deleted my reply because I wasn’t going to get involved any further with that thread I saw where that was heading. The person who make the one reply it was uncalled for but as of late things have been running fairly smooth around this forum. I think it is pitiful when you have to deal with personal attacks on individuals especially at a cancer forum where most folks pride and dignity is at it’s lowest. I think it’s a friggin ashame. Joe
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Hi Holly,
Not sure what I missed but sad to hear you are leaving the forum. It is truly the one place that I feel a connection. And I truly thank you for your postings.
I hope you take some time and re-consider. We will be here waiting for you.
Best,
Gracie -
I’m sorry too Holly, but I hope you are leaving to get on with the good things in life and not in sorrow. It’s perfectly normal to want to forget about cancer and things connected.
I’m also sorry that the forum isn’t perfect, that people upset each other. We’ve tried to give folks the room to vent, yet hope things stay civil, it’s hard without becoming totalitarian as some other forums do. When it’s about cancer we all should tread lightly, what can be more frightening than to be faced with our mortality.
But…cancer doesn’t change us, we hardly ever hear that epiphany. Well, sometimes, for sure. If only it would stay and we could hold on to those clear moments of compassion. We can only try.
Be happy. Stay in touch. Stay well.
Wendy -
Dear Holly,
I am sorry to hear that recent postings on the forum have upset you.
It upsets me to think that you may decide to leave the forum because of this, although I totally respect you if that is what you decide to do. I never saw the posts in question this weekend although from time to time over the last eight months that I have been a member, some posts have been upsetting to me also.
From time to time I have read posts and replies to posts and cringed at the bad attitude and sometimes malice people have written. I strongly believe that this has no place on our forum which should be where we feel safe and free to express our concerns and problems in a respectful manner.
I don’t always reply to every post because sometimes I really don’t know what to say that can help the situation. When I do reply with my own experiences that may be helpful I do so with the hope that my chosen words give support or sympathy in a caring way to the given situation.
This forum has helped me so much to deal with the problems I have encountered and you have been a fantastic support for me in so many ways. As you mentioned in your post, our forum friends have guided us and supported us and made this scary journey less intimidating.
I will be ever thankful for your caring wise words of support you have given me on posts and personal messages.
Holly whatever you decide to do I will always be eternally grateful for your unconditional caring support you have offered me and so many at the forum.
Kindest Wishes
Leigh
Leigh, 39
Dx July 2007
TURBT July 2007
RC/Neobladder ,Studer Pouch, September 2007
Erasmus Centrum Rotterdam
TNM Classification: pT4 N2 Mo
4 cycles aduvant chemo Gemzar & Cisplatinum
Very dear Holly,
I’ll keep in touch with you. I really appreciated our phone conversation a
couple of weekends back. I happened to miss the disturbing postings over the weekend, as I had already chosen not to follow that thread — plus I was feeling sicker than usual.Be blessed, Holly — Susan
Hi,
I do appreciate the kind sentiments and encouragement to remain part of the forum, and I am touched that so many care. For sure I am not running away from a bully or feeling too shy to stand on my beliefs, but rather making a personal choice as to what drama I am willing to tolerate personally.
There is no desire to cause a rift or draw members to one side or another. There is nothing to be gained. Point blank – I bit poisoned bait and ultimatly hurt the forum. Distressing anyone has never been my intention – and for that Rosemary, I am truly sorry. You are a dear soul and I certainly have a great respect for all you do here. Maybe in time I will feel differently. Maybe my bc will force me to seek more help here. But I know for sure that I do not want to see again what I saw the past few days.
God Bless, Holly
Holly,
Maybe you just need to take a break from the forum and when you return things will have improved. You are such a treasure here to so many people.
I missed all the excitement and by the time I went in to check it out, that thread had been pulled. I’m so sorry the discussion was upsetting to you. I also don’t understand why one bad apple always seems to overshawdow all the good that is within a group. I see it happen at work from time to time. But I agree with Karen…why let the dark side win…and it is the dark side of our human natures that brings forth criticism and mean spirited behavior. I would really like to see someone with some authority step in from time to time and do something to control the discussion so things don’t get so out of hand. When it gets so uncharitable it makes it difficult for me to recommend the forum to others. Melodie
Melodie, Indy Pouch, U.W.Medical Center, Seattle, Dr. Paul H. Lange & Jonathan L. WrightHolly I’ve have been a member here for well over a year so I have seen them all. If someone posts something negative then that lights the fuse and then more negative posts just start coming out, because negativity breeds negativity. I quit this forum once and I really didn’t want to but at the time things were just getting out of control. If it were not for Wendy I wouldn’t of come back and Joris was nice enough to leave my posts count the same. If you really want to quit no one can stop you but don’t let a few get to you and quit and give them the upper hand. I know there are more members here that care about you and I am one. Just think of this as a dark cloud blotting out the sun for a moment and then the sun shines again. Joe
Holly, I have nothing but the greatest respect for you. I mean that. I am sorry that you feel that you must leave. However, you certainly can’t have been more distressed than I was on yesterday. I truly felt like resigning my post here.
The truth is, we are all human beings that make mistakes. We must all scrutinize our motives in everything that we do. We Moderators are not perfect, nor are the Administrators, nor are the Posters. I personally, am doing the best I can. I just bet that you are doing the best that you can, too.
I wish that I could change the picture of what you feel that you are seeing here, but as I cannot, just know, that I will miss you, and I will truly be thinking of you from time to time.
Take good care!!
Rosemary
Rosemary
Age – 55
T1 G3 – Tumor free 2 yrs 3 months
Dx January 2006CALLING ANN ATHENA……….
Holly,
Please don’t let a few bad apples spoil the pie. You have helped so many here and there are new members everyday they will find the information, and support you give so valuable.
I appreciate you so much!
If you leave then they win. Maybe a Moderator should ban the “Bad Apples” instead of losing such an awesome warrior such as yourself.
I hope that you will reconsider, and get that fighting spirit. This site needs you…
To the other members:
Everyone needs to Lighten Up! Don’t you see what is happening here? Take your anger and hatred somewhere else. We are trying to survive here!
This is ridiculous! Personal Attacks? Come on…We ARE Adults aren’t we!!!
Holly, you are better then them…DO NOT LET THEM AFFECT YOU THIS WAY!!!!
With Love,
Karen
Caregiver for my Wonderful Husband Angelo, who has Metastatic Bladder Cancer.Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.
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