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Just “diagnosed” yesterday – 37 and very scared
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JD, I would take what the doctor gave you for stress, you have a long three weeks in front of you. It’s been a little over four months sence I found out I had cancer and for the first three there wasn’t a day that went by that thinking of my kids didn’t make me cry. If I could have taken something to ease that stress I would have….and you should. It sounds like you are doing better than I did, finding a councilor to talk to is a smart idea. Don’t be afraid to do what ever you have to to get through this part of it….it does get easier once your doctor can give you solid answers. Good luck, Warren.
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Hello JD… Anxiety is a vicious beast and it tries to gobble us up every chance it gets. I also have some anxiety issues and even among my family and friends, I have observed unless someone has actually experienced it themselves, they can’t really grasp how hard it is to beat it back.
I was like you… didn’t smoke or drink, always looked at as the “healthy” one of the family of six siblings. I had to wait three weeks from getting my path report back and confirming I had bladder cancer, until getting to the specialist I was referred to 300 miles away. It was pretty maddening and a very long drive.
Just as you are doing, I was reading all the dire statistics on the internet, reading the worst case scenarios, etc. and generally making myself crazy.
After the first week of spinning out of control, somehow I was finally able to pull myself together and not allow my mind to go there. I had always been a person with a plan. I made up my mind that I would not continue to imagine all the worst, but would wait until my appointment to find out exactly what I was dealing with, then make a plan with my doctor, and then just do what needed to be done.
And that is what I did. And it is what you will do also. You know you have a very small (early) something that needs to be removed. Your uro will get it out of there and then you will know exactly what it is and what action may be needed at that time. Being upset with your doctor’s handling of it is only causing you more inner turmoil so try to let that go. It’s in the past now and being angry cannot change anything. It only makes you feel worse.
Reassurances from our loved ones help but you are the only one who can really tame your anxiety. If the doctor has prescribed something, take it and let it help take that edge off between now and your appointment. Don’t let your worries wear you out.
I truly believe you will be fine and that the day when you will be walking that little girl down the aisle will be here way before you’re ready for it… many years from now!
Best wishes… CatherineTURBT 1/21/10 at age 55
Dx: T2aN0M0 Primary Bladder Adenocarcinoma
Partial Cystectomy 2/25/10
Vanderbilt Medical Center
Nashville, TN
PURCHASE GREEN BANANAS! :laugh: I love it.
Age 55
Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
“Please don’t cry because it is over….. Smile because it happened!” {Dr. Seuss} :)
Thanks. I will try and make the chat session you mentioned…if not tomorrow, then perhaps the next one.
I had my mom come down to see us yesterday and today (she lives one state over) and she was very supportive. Both she and my wife are being really strong and both have expressed their feelings that, if my doctors aren’t at all worried, then that should help to allay my fears (of course, wife and mom also said they’re not worried.)
My primary doctor prescribed something for me to try and ease my anxiety, so I’ve taken that a couple of times already but I’m trying not to use it if I don’t have to. Regardless, I still had a rough day again today and had a couple of real breakdowns. I then have moments where I feel like things will be ok. I just want to try and believe that I will be able to see my daughter grow up, walk her down the isle, see her have kids, grow old w/ my wife, play checkers at the senior center together, etc. you get it…I know I probably sound overly dramatic here.
The thing I keep coming back to is…should I be upset that my doctor immediately said I had a “small bladder cancer” and viewing a small polyp from the scope, instead of just telling me that he saw a suspicious polyp that we’ll remove, check and, if it does have abnormal cells, we’ll then treat that accordingly…I know that’s probably pretty much what he meant and he did say a ton of times that I’ll be fine and he is not worried about it in the least…I dunno…just trying to rationalize all of this.
I think my biggest fear (aside of the waiting, etc.) is having already been told this is nothing to worry about but then having it removed and getting the pathology back saying it is some super advanced stage, high grade, radical thing. I know that is probably impossible given the clear CTs (and my doctors said that too) but that is where the majority of my anxiety is coming from at this point…or so I think.
I think that will be something good for me to address with the therapist I will be seeing next week.
just trying to deal and get through this maddening wait period.
Thanks once again to all who are replying and helping me. It is helping.
JD
Welcome to our site. We have all been exactly where you are now. I said I felt “Shell Shocked” and out of sorts for a short period of time.
This site was the best thing I could have found and I think you will agree after the dust settles.
You are not even sure you have bladder cancer. Take a deep breath and know you can certainly purchase “green” bananas :laugh:
Once you have a diagnoses then you can move forward.
As you read our posts, you will see how life goes on as before we had bladder cancer.
As Mike said, even if you do have bladder cancer (which you won’t know until a biopsy is taken in a few weeks)
it can be a wait and see to some treatment. Your Uro was right in saying he was happy, whatever this is, was found early.
You are in good hands, relax the next few weeks, and feel free to ask anything.Nancy
Nancy S
Ta CIS
dx Ta 11/06
dx Ta CIS 10/07
JD,
Please consider joining us on the Sunday evening chat (under Community on the main bar at the top of the page) at 8 PM EST. There, you can discuss anything you want about bladder cancer…or talk about March madness and how your favorite team is doing. The waiting and unknown is rough.
Hope to see you Sunday.
Anita
Anita
Forum Moderator
Caregiver
Thanks again to everyone who has been so gracious and caring w/ replies and words of experience and encouragement for me. I only hope that I can get past this and then be in a position to return the favor for others who, at that point, may be struggling with the fears and questions that I am right now.
I know someone mentioned research as a way to stay informed, and I have done quite a bit of that before and after my visit to the Urologist a couple of days ago. Unfortunately, I also know that the Internet is a vast (and often dangerous) place to go and seek credible knowledge, as one often does not know from where it may be originating. That said, while this forum has most certainly been a great help to me thus far, I did make the mistake of “googling” other things and stumbling across various “survival” statistics, etc. that (although I realize are skewed and a product of many variables) didn’t make me feel too comfortable.
Anyway, I know I sound like a broken record and my posts/replies at this point likely sound much the same, I am sincerely trying to absorb [and apply] the suggestions and advice from those of you who have responded thus far and employ those as catalysts for positive thinking.
I also keep trying to replay my doctors’ reassurances that they have no doubts that I will be fine…also the fact that my Urologist scheduled this as a routine procedure rather than a stat one, as he firmly believes that this is not threatening. Those are all good things (including the clear CT results) that I am trying to keep focus on.
I think one of the other scary things about this is the fact that, had I not gone in w/ the Prostatitis symptoms, I probably wouldn’t have had a reason to go in at all until my next physical (or even after) and therefore may not have even discovered this “polyp” until much later in the future. Guess I can thank my Prostate for looking out for me… [insert pseudo-sardonic chuckle.]
I know nobody asks for anything to happen to them (especially something that has the potential to threaten precious life) and, although it may not be all to apparent from my postings thus far, I am making a concerted effort (as best I can at this point) to focus on the positives about all of this.
By the way, that Cystoscopy was certainly not a walk in the park, but I guess it wasn’t as horrific as I’d anticipated. Of course, I’m certainly not looking forward to having them routinely for the next couple of years, but if that is truly all I end up needing I’ll most certainly take it.
Hi JD,
You are not alone in being scared at this stage of your treatment. The fear of the unknown can be traumatic but you have come to the right place for comfort and first hand knowledge. This community of survivors is so diverse that you will always find someone who has been there and done that willing to share their experience with you on your journey. Please continue to fuel your brain with knowledge and if a question arises jot it down so you’ll be able to ensure you won’t forget it with the precious time you’ll have with your health care provider. Most people sit and listen but don’t hear what a doctor is saying until it’s well after they’ve left the doctor’s office. Go with a list of questions.
I was 70 when diagnosed with bladder cancer in January and my greatest fear was what and how to tell my family the news. I have had my TURBT done and have gone through five BCG treatments thus far and am fortunate to have had some minor but not real bad side effects. That’s another thing each case and each person’s body is different as to how it reacts to treatment so do not get discouraged by all the stories you read as some of them, especially the worst case ones may not apply to you. Exercise and stay fit physically and mentally and you’ll do fine.
I will keep you and your young family in my thoughts and prayers and prayers JD.
Regards,
Ray
JD Fear of the unknown is a very normal human response. Lets face it- medicine and cancers are huge unknowns for most of us. At this time you have lots of unanswered questions that will be better answered as tests and treatments are undertaken. This is an unsettling time for you as it has been for most of us here. Focus on the positives. When you have the path. report you may want a second opinion. It is comforting to have 2 specialists’ reports to confirm that treatment is going in the right direction.
I’m 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010
Hi Mike – Thank you for your response. I must say it did make me feel a little better. I know I probably sound frantic and, no denying it, I am. I’ve already made an appointment to talk to someone about my anxiety, so I hope that will help somewhat. While I do my best to toe the line between rational thinking and hypochondria, I don’t always stay on the rational side of that line (which I know is unhealthy.) Anyway, I have been asking myself many of the same questions you raised in your reply (e.g., why would my doctor say what he said before the pathology…i.e., that he noticed a “small bladder cancer” and then discuss that with me only to then say he believed it to be nothing to worry about and that we’d take out the polyp and I’d be fine., etc.) My Primary referred me to him and, by all accounts, he is supposed to be quite accomplished and good (voted in america’s best doctors, etc., uses robotics, performs international surgeries via satellite, etc.) I know that’s probably not all too relevant for this discussion, but I figured it was worth mentioning.
In any case, I am just still shocked by the finding of a polyp in general (given my age and otherwise excellent health) and the whole association w/ cancer that comes with it.
One other piece to this that probably bears mentioning is the fact that my wife’s father just passed away in July 2011 after a sudden onset of aggressive cancers that shocked us all. He was only 62. I held him as he passed and I witnessed what all of his ails did to him. I have not yet been able to get passed that and, of course, now I get a blow like this to deal with…just extremely difficult to concentrate on the positives, but I know I must somehow find a way to do that.
I am trying to remind myself (and the fact that multiple doctors have told me) that my CTs were all normal and that they said that, if I had anything invasive at all, it would have shown some sign on the CTs. I will continue to do my very best to wait out the next few weeks until I can have this thing removed and then know what exactly the pathology is. I am not looking forward to having to go through anything past that experience but, assuming the outcome is as I’ve been assured to expect, I suppose it is a small price to pay.
Thanks again to all for your responses and encouragement.
JD, I got the same news you did after my CT and cystoscopy on Nov 1st last year. I had to wait 5 weeks before I could have the TURBT and I know what you are going through, it sucks! But it is normal, I can tell you to relax but that isn’t going to happen. What helped me was a crash course on badder cancer on the web, knowlege helps you get a little control and it will give you something positive to do. You won’t know until you get the pathology report back, hopefully it will be good news. But even if it isn’t good news it is fightable….I had to have a secound TURBT after the first one and it wasn’t until after I got the 2nd pathology report back that I started feeling like I wasn’t going to die. It’s normal and it will take time, but you will get past the shell shock stage and be able to get rid of this! Warren
JD,
You don’t even have bladder cancer proven yet and you’re going to give yourself a stroke worrying about it.
Your urologist should NOT have said you have bladder cancer. He does NOT know that for a fact. It may very well LIKELY be but they do pathology on the tumor/polyp for a reason.
What he SHOULD have said is, “It could very well be bladder cancer”.
Early bladder cancer is VERY treatable. Again, that is IF you even have bladder cancer.
If you have a history of breakdowns, there likely isn’t anything we can tell you that going to make you not be freaked out. It is all the more reason why your doctor shouldn’t have said that.
So…what if we take worst case and say it is superficial bladder cancer. Does that mean it is time to take a header off a skyscraper? No, it does not. If it is that AND if it is HIGH GRADE, then they will likely treat you with BCG. That’s six weeks, once a week, they put the medicine into your bladder through a catheter. Then six months later you do it again for three weeks. Then maybe they do more for ongoing maintenance but maybe not.
If it is LOW GRADE then they very likely will do nothing and you just come back for quarterly checks because bladder cancer has a high recurrence rate. However, low grade means slow growing and often people just never have it come back. If it does come back and is still low grade then they MAY give you BCG or mitomycin for a series of treatments.
That’s all we’re talking about so far and that is if it even is bladder cancer–which is not even known.
In the mean time, don’t be thinking “cling to” and all that. It is not a death sentence even if it is way worse than you even MIGHT have.
I had muscle invasive bladder cancer over three years ago and I’m just fine. Had to have my bladder removed but that’s not a big deal as far as I’m concerned.
Now that I’ve laid out ‘worst case’ is it REALLY all that terrible? No. So, if it’s not ‘worst case’ then any version of not is better than that.
Good luck. I hope it’s nothing (as it very well could be once a pathologist evaluates the tumor).
Mike
Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results….distant mets
2/2014 ct result…spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph system
My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinion of ABLCS or anyone else. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV.
Thank you for the reply and the encouragement. I am trying to stay calm but I have had my share of breakdowns already and can’t seem to relax. I guess one of the things I am struggling with most is the fact that my Urologist is so confident that this will not present any threat to me (based on what he saw in the Cystoscope,) yet he still called it a “small bladder cancer” but when I talked to my Primary doctor (who also talked to my Urologist) as well as the nurse at the Urologist’s office, all referred to this as a “superficial polyp” that we were treating as cancer even though we won’t fully know until after it is removed and looked at. It is all quite confusing, which is why I can’t seem to find a calm place to park my thoughts. I mean, why would he call it a small bladder cancer but then report it as a polyp. Either way, once again, both Doctors said that, without a doubt, I will be fine and my primary doctor said that there is no evidence that that this could be anything invasive due to the fact that my CTs were all normal. They’ve assured me I’ll be fine…would doctors make sure claims if they weren’t almost certain of that? I don’t know, but I still can’t help but feel that I have been handed a death sentence. I know I am still in shock over even hearing that I have something that I need to take care of, so forgive me if my thoughts are racing all over the map. I know others have far worse and I try, even in the face of this, to remember that. It still hurts so much to even think that something has the potential to slowly take me from my family…these thoughts are unbearable.
Thanks again for the reply. May I ask how you have dealt with this and/or how has anyone else who may have a similar situation be dealing w/ this? It sounds like I have a lot of up side given what my doctors seem to think, so that is really what I am trying to cling to right now.
JD,
Stop and take a breath. It’s okay to feel scared. I’m sorry to hear that they found a polyp, but please remember that this doesn’t always mean cancer. This hopefully is a benign polyp and can be removed before it can be come cancerous.
Being young doesn’t protect you from getting cancer, BUT , It sure as the heck helps. Your age puts you in a good position for this to be just a polyp. That’s not saying it is. But the odds are really in your favor.
We are all here pulling for you, and hopefully we get to tell you that you can’t join our club.
Mark
Age 55
Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
“Please don’t cry because it is over….. Smile because it happened!” {Dr. Seuss} :)Sign In to reply.
