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  • dougg

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 12:02 am

    Thank you, Mike. This is a good way to think about it. Hope I think of this at times when I need it.

    Anita

    Anita
    Forum Moderator
    Caregiver

  • sara.anne

    Member
    May 3, 2013 at 11:39 pm

    Yes, sometimes people can say the wrong thing, or what appears to be wrong to the recipient. BUT I would rather they would say something. I know too many people who won’t visit a very ill friend, or attend a memorial, because “It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know what to say.” My feeling is that just saying anything translates into “I care about you” and I appreciate it.

    SA

    Diagnosis 2-08 Small papillary TCC; CIS
    BCG; BCG maintenance
    Vice-President, American Bladder Cancer Society
    Forum Moderator

  • mmc

    Member
    April 28, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    We are all in it together around here…

    :)

    Age 54
    10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
    9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
    10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
    2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
    9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
    1/2014 ct scan results….distant mets
    2/2014 ct result…spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph system
    My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinion of ABLCS or anyone else. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV.

  • upnorth

    Member
    April 28, 2013 at 2:31 am

    Thanks for the post Mike.

    I have stuck my foot in my mouth so many times, I have to use Dr. Scholls as a lozenge. :laugh:

    Sometimes I think I shouldn’t say anything, for fear that I might say the wrong thing.

    So I ask you not to listen to “what” I am saying, as much as what I meant by it.

    Mark

    Age 55
    Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
    “Please don’t cry because it is over….. Smile because it happened!” {Dr. Seuss} :)

  • gkline

    Member
    April 11, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    Mike
    You are the master of “the quote”

    Your Mileage will vary is perfect in every way. Everyone is different and their reactions are rarely the same.

    If my driving is any indication…… My “Mileage” will require more pit stops than the “average”

    You make me visit this site almost every day!

    Keep up the good work

    George

    Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
    Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.

    08/08/08…RC neo bladder
    09/09/09…New Hip
    =
    New Man! [/size]

  • mmc

    Member
    April 11, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    George,

    We are all in the circle together. That is what makes this group great.

    At home, my wife is center of her circle and I mine. We are then the first inner circle for each other. I try to do that with my kids as well. I remember when my mother had and died from cancer when she was 47. It’s about them for me as well. So I view them at the center of their circles and myself on an outer ring to them. So far, I think it is working well.

    However, I have been dealing with bladder cancer on and off for 7 years already. Not everyone, especially not newly diagnosed folks are typically going to be ready to do that.

    Anywho…I thought the article was pretty good and gave some decent ideas. It’s not a script though and everyone’s mileage will vary. Everyone should read it though and use it for discussion IMHO.

    Mike

    Age 54
    10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
    9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
    10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
    2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
    9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
    1/2014 ct scan results….distant mets
    2/2014 ct result…spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph system
    My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinion of ABLCS or anyone else. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV.

  • rockyiss

    Member
    April 11, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    Thanks Mike I enjoyed reading this. Sometimes in life we are all going to stick our big foot in our mouth and usually we don’t notice until we fall down cause our foot is in our mouth instead of on the ground where it belongs . God grant us the wisdom to keep BOTH feet on the ground and the grace for when we don’t to say I am sorry. Rocky

  • Seabreeze

    Member
    April 11, 2013 at 7:25 am

    Mike, thank you for all your support you provide to all of us. Praying for you!!!

    Love and HUGS,

    John & Carolyn

  • gkline

    Member
    April 10, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    Seems Simple enough.
    But “Dumping In” is sometimes confusing for the socially selfish. They mean no harm, they view their honest opinion, as a comment that needs to be spoken.

    IT”S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!!!! For God’s sake!

    Mike
    You are a great influence on all of us here. Always positive and your eyes are ALWAYS focused on the Prize!
    If I ever say the wrong thing, it is because my brain was in neutral and my lips were moving because the driver was asleep.

    Since you are in the center circle, I say to you:
    “You look Great! And, from the tone of your posts……. You sound Great!

    In the words of Billy Crystal

    You Look MAAAAAVELOUS BABY!

    George

    Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
    Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.

    08/08/08…RC neo bladder
    09/09/09…New Hip
    =
    New Man! [/size]

  • flamenco

    Member
    April 10, 2013 at 8:40 am

    Very well put and simple enough for Everyone to follow.

  • catherineh

    Member
    April 10, 2013 at 3:20 am

    I truly believe you can find a flowchart for everything, even it it is a round one! :)

    It is a great perspective and sound advice. I love the “Comfort In” and “Dump Out” flow of what to say and who to say it to. Thanks for sharing the link!

    Best wishes… Catherine

    TURBT 1/21/10 at age 55
    Dx: T2aN0M0 Primary Bladder Adenocarcinoma
    Partial Cystectomy 2/25/10
    Vanderbilt Medical Center
    Nashville, TN

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