-
Father has Cancer
I just found out my father has stage 3 bladder cancer. Told my mom the highest stage….but online shows a stage 4? They said radiation won’t help and have not mentioned chemo. They went last week and removed the tumor yet he continues peeing blood and hurting. They do a CT scan tomorrow to see if its in his lymph nodes. If its not in 6 weeks they will go back and see if the roots have resurfaced or built another tumor. If its in his lymph nodes they are sending him to Chapel Hill and having his bladder and prostrate removed. According to the Doctor the roots were in the bladder, prostrate and urethrae. I’m scared to know, but what are his odds?
-
16 Replies
-
bmat,
I’m sorry to hear about your dad. You are wise to seek a second opinion from a specialist. More people should do so.
Rick
-
What Mark Said.
Couldn’t say it any better.
Your dad was me. Four Years Ago. I heard the word cancer and [size=4]BOOM! [size=3]My mind went into it’s own world.
I didn’t want to be a burden
I was frightened to death!
I had to be strong and act as if I was in control.
I was CLEARLY ….. OUT of Control!
I wanted to be the center of the world
I didn’t want to be the Center of the world.
I needed MY Family more now, than EVER!
I didn’t want to be a burden.Four Years ago I had my bladder and my prostate removed. Yes, it was BIG surgery.
Last Month I became the New York State Roadracing Champion in E Production!
(Don’t make a big deal out of it! EP is a very small group of cars)Your dad will still be Dad when this is over. He may even be a BETTER dad after this. You may even be a better daughter when this is over.
But both of you will have faced the demon and “kicked It’s Ass!”Sincerely, and with Love, George [/size][/size]
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]
Just remember that Dads are Dads. Treat them with respect and true concern for their welfare. My father only could hear from one ear and that one needed a hearing aid. It never once stopped him from hearing us tell him how much we loved him.
He would get a little mad at us if we started to feel sorry for our selves, instead of making the most out of every moment we had left together. He never quit fighting the cancer and trying to keep everyone up-beat and working together to cure it.
When they diagnosed him as terminal he asked them if they had any risky or untried testing that needed to be done. He told them he had nothing to lose but cancer. They sent him to Iowa to try out some risky procedures. This made him very happy that maybe his loss would be someone else’s gain.
We lost him, but I just know in my heart that what he did way back then is the very reason that I and many of the others are still here and fighting today.
So lets quit worrying about making him upset, and start making the best of every moment together. I never once pulled my hand away from one of my children when they held it out. And even when I was in my deepest worry about my cancer, I wanted to be with my children and grand-children.
I am sure that your father feels much the same way. So go hold his hand, and remember to smile. That is every grumpy old mans Kryptonite.
God Bless
Mark
Age 55
Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
“Please don’t cry because it is over….. Smile because it happened!” {Dr. Seuss} :)
I had my bladder removed 4 and a half years ago and I am just fine. I also had stage 3, I now have an Ileal Conduit, that is a bag attached to my belly and I am doing everything that I did before cancer. I for one was very happy when the Dr said that my bladder had to come out. I just wanted the cancer gone as quick as possible.
Good luck to your dad and keep the faith.
Barbara
Dx 4-28-08
pT3a no mo
Rc with Ileal Conduit on 6-09-08
2nd surgery on 6-27-09 for ureter leak
Renal failure on 7-01-09 nephy tube and then stent on 7-09-09
so far so good
Had my bladder out 4 years ago and I am perfectly fine.
Mike
Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results….distant mets
2/2014 ct result…spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph system
My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinion of ABLCS or anyone else. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV.
My dad will have his bladder removed the 27th of this month. This is the second time his cancer has come back. He was first diagnosed about 10 years ago and it came back last May. He did two months of chemo and then they decided it was time to remove the bladder. I am also very scared but know that we will help him though this. My dad does not like to talk about it and is just ready to get everything done. He is also having a hernia removed at the same time.
This is what I keep telling myself…Stay calm, take deep breaths and take one day at a time. I was also scared to talk to my dad. I did not know what to say or how to go about it. But after some time of him getting used to the idea of what was going to happen I just opened up to him.
I just found this forum and it has really helped me understand BC and that other people are going through the same thing. You are not alone. I wish you and your family the best of luck.
My dad also was losing his hearing but could understand (lip read)simple sentences. Try “I love you” or just words of comfort.
I was a cranky old man before my surgery and was a loud, cranky, impatient old man after surgery. There were a number of medical things I had to learn, this pulled my patience to the limit. I was old- I didn’t want to learn something new! It’s difficult to guess at your dads frame of mind but I bet I’m not far off. After surgery these stressful things become just a memory. It is Very important to keep perspective with the fact that lots of cancer cells have been removed. It was only a short time after my surgery that a scan helped my dr to declare me cancer free.
And thru all of this we are here to support both you and your dad. Rely on us. We understand.
I’m 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010
Just saw your post, and wanted you to know you are not alone here-Don·t know what time ite is where you are, but i think it may be a while before there are others on line who have been in the same situation as your Dad, or you as a caregiver. I guess your Dad is very afraid at the moment, and in his own way he is dealing with it by trying to face the worst case scenario, and his main concern is for the welfare of you and your Mom.
A cancer dignosis, never mind the idea of undergoing major surgery, is frightening for anyone, patient or caregiver, but there are many on this site who have been through it, and come through after surgery with a pretty good life. I wish I could answer your question, but I can·t, other than say carry on being positive, and realise that he needs time to deal with what is happening. I am sure others who have been in the same situation will post soon,but in the meantime , stay strong.
Diane
My father went to the Cancer Center in Chapel Hill yesterday. They are going to remove his bladder, possibly the prostate to need to ask mom. He will be using a urostomy now. They wanted to do chemo before surgery but his hearing loss may be to bad for that so they may wait till after the surgery to do a few rounds. They did another CT Scan to make sure the upper body does not have any cancer.
Most of you probably know this but the doc said the bladder has three layers, his cancer has ate away the first two and is working on, or possibly through the third as well so it all must come out. It will be about a 5 hour surgery and he will be in intensive care for a few days. No strenuous activity for 3 months.
I am an emotional basket case right now. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook but I’m really scared. Mom says all he talks about is the what will happen to her without him. He is really expecting the worst. I’m afraid to talk to him right now, his fuse is very short and if I say one wrong word he may take it wrong and flip out.
What do I do?
The bleeding is from the TURBT, not the cancer. As Mark already said, make sure the doctor knows.
Mike
Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results….distant mets
2/2014 ct result…spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph system
My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinion of ABLCS or anyone else. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV.
I am happy to hear the good news.
But I don’t like the sound of him still peeing blood at this stage. Have you talked to his doctor about this?
It maybe normal but I think the doctor should make that call.
Keep us posted on his progress.
Mark
Age 55
Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
“Please don’t cry because it is over….. Smile because it happened!” {Dr. Seuss} :)
Thank you so much for all the words of encouragement. His CT Scan came out good today. Its not in his pelvis or lymph nodes.He goes back in 6 weeks to have the scope again to see if the roots have resurfaced. If they have he will have to have the bladder and prostrate removed. If not I think other options will be discussed…maybe chemo..not sure. For now he is still peeing blood and having pain when he uses the bathroom. Surgery was just last week so don’t know if its the cancer or the recovery causing that. This has been some wonderful news but I know we are not in the clear yet. I’ll update as I find out information.
We are here and alive and well. It is extremely important at this point that you and your dad not let your thinking take you to the negative dark areas. Each of us here is a living testimony of the great things coming from the medical folks. We are great sources of optimism so if you are down and need strength let us know.
I’m 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010
Have hope. Jim was diagnosed stage 3 bc July 2010 when he had his RC IC he ended up having stage 4 having gone into the prostate and 3 local lymph nodes. Jim started chemo,gemzar/cisplatin for 6+ months. As of June 2012 he was still cancer free. His next CT is in December and our hope is for continued cancer free report. Keep you hopes up and get the best doctors you can who know bc.
Whatever the stage… a qualified Urologist has a plan. If they don’t have a plan, then find one that does.
But, It appears as though you Dr. has one for your father.The first Surgery to remove the tumor was called a TURB (we’ll refer to this from time to time)
He will have another one in a few weeks to see if there are clear margins of tissue where the cancer was.The need to find out if the cancer is totally encapsuled in the bladder is very important in deciding if chemo is needed before surgery. If your dad is like a lot of us, they will remove his bladder and prostate and recommend a diversion for him.
Please don’t panic and start making end of life decisions. This is a fight that can be won with good Dr. and agressive treatments.
Mike and I and a lot more here, are living proof.
keep your chin up and ask us anything. We are here because when we had this….. there wasn’t a place like this.
George
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]Sign In to reply.
