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caring for dad, is the end near?
I’ve been reading posts on your site for a couple months, this is the first time I’m writing. My dad is 80 years old, he had his bladder removed robotically at Roswell Park Cancer Institute on Nov 14th. 10 years ago he had an ileostomy where they removed his colon and much of his intestine and 8 years before that he had his prostate removed. Because of all the previous scar tissue they chose to do this surgery robotically and they had to connect his kidneys to the existing stoma so that all waste comes out together. They also were only able to remove one lymph node, which the doctor said was loaded with cancer. He said the bladder was so bad that if it hadn’t been removed dad would have died in a month. He left the hospital on 12/21 and went to rehab, came home from rehab 1/9 and on 1/12 we took him to the local hospital, had a fever and severe pain. Primary care physician and hospital urologist diagnosed kidney infection due to stool backing up into kidneys, no valve to stop backflow. 5 days in the hospital – 10 days on antibiotics at home, 5 days later back in the hospital with another kidney infection stayed 8 days this time. On the day after his release had an appointment with the surgeon. Said we are not giving up on you, put him on Cipro all the time. Primary care Dr. saw him 3 days later started him on oxygen at home for shortness of breath, he walks from the bedroom to the kitchen with his walker and it’s like he’s run the Boston marathon. He was ok for about 5 days but has had virtually no appetite since surgery, nothing tastes good. Potassium level has been all out of whack, has to have weekly blood tests but no medication. Last week was diagnosed with Thrush. Then this past saturday 2/23 developed a fever and started vomiting, that lasted 3 days. He’s thinking the flu and that he is going to get better. I’m thinking the end is getting closer. He’s so weak he can barely sit up by himself, walking is really just slow shuffling, he sits and stares into space with his mouth open and his teeth clenched, he has constant back pain. My mom died a year ago and some of this looks very familiar to me, but her circumstances were much different, she had alzheimers and he took care of her for the last 5 years. I’m ready to let him go, because his quality of life right now is horrible, but I have no idea how long he can hang on like this. Asked for a Pet scan to see if the cancer has spread everywhere (i’m thinking yes) Dr. says CT scan March 3rd…too soon after surgery to be able to get a true result in a Pet scan. He’s had a wonderful life, but I’m thinking that it is coming to a close, and unfortunately no one can tell us if that is the case. I want the end of his life to be as comfortable and good as the rest of his life has been.
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4 Replies
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Wow, what a story you have about your dad..it sounds like he has done all he can do,he certainly has had much to contend with. I believe the no appetite has something to do with the dieing process. Not only are they not hungry but the taste isn’t there, the enjoyment itself is gone. That is what I experienced with my dad, and a long time neighbor..As much as you try to get them to eat it just doesn’t work.My heart is with you, this is not a pleasant time, all you can do is make him comfortable, hospice, and realize the time is here to let go. The thing is when to call hospice, I think you’ll know,,or his doctor will know. Its important to start at the right time, not too soon. My prayers are with you,,Ginger
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i don’t understand why they are not addressing his low potassium levels?…..
Symptoms of low potassium levels include weakness, fatigue, or weakening of reflexes.This medicine is an electrolyte that is needed for normal functioning of cells, nerve conduction, muscle contraction, kidney function, and acid-base balance.
Might ask the doctor?…….
Pat -
Hi,
I”m sorry to hear such a terrible story. It sounds like everything has gone wrong since surgery making a bad situation worse. Perhaps he was not truly operable in the first place, or they thought the robotics would make it more doable…although removal of a single lymph node is not exactly ideal.
There’s not much you can do aside from wait and see if the PET scan brings news that makes it all worth fighting for. If the cancer is contained it may be the boost your father needs to help him steel himself mentally and continue this difficult path to recovery.
As Karen said, if there is not a good reason to continue the fight, hospice care would ensure that he is comfortable.
Whatever happens, I wish you and your father all the best.
Wendy -
rpm,
What a man your father is…taking care of your mother for 5 yrs…and then Bladder cancer, surgery after surgery over the years, infection…He is remarkable…
I think that it is time to call Hospice…They will make sure he is not in any pain, and he can stay at home. He has fought the fight that is for sure, he deserves some peace now…Call them they will help with the transition, and they will help you too.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers,
Karen
Caregiver for my Wonderful Husband Angelo, who has Metastatic Bladder Cancer.Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.
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