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Attitude .
Just courious about what part folks think attitude plays in surgery,recovery,etc.
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30 Replies
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Hi, Doug, I have been away from the boards for a bit and I am just overwhelmed over your response to the miserable b**tard cancer BC diagnosis. It truly stinks to get that diagnosis but and this is a HUGE BUT, you can fight it with good or bad insurance. I am with Mike on this one…you haven’t a clue as to what you are truly dealing with and if a doctor ever told me or mine “it’s bad, it’s bad and nope I am not giving you your report” Like Diesel Mike I would have in a corner screaming like a little girl for mercy. Then I would TAKE THE REPORTS and get me to another doctor who gets it! Doug, this is your LIFE we are talking about here. I know you are devastated over your wife’s death and rightfully so, but, as others have said she would want you to fight this tooth and nail with all of your might. I know if I were gone and Jim just said the heck with it gimme pain meds I would come down and haunt him until he got his senses back.
BTW, Jim went in one year ago and had what we thought was a Stage III BC and came out with a Stage IV BC. We never looked back, we just fought through recovery from the RC/IC, then 6 mos of chemo gemzar and cisplatin and he is now cance free until proven otherwise. Doug, please don’t give up…we here at the forum want you to work at getting well. As Mike very smartly wrote, “if it walks like a duck etc it is a duck”. I believe also that you are depressed and it is a gigantic thing to absorb this diagnosis. But, please please don’t throw in the towel just yet. You are young still and do have lots left in life. The surgery is big but it is doable. The chemo can be challenging but it is doable. Dot, loves and needs you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do find a doctor who will listen to you and DO SHARE what you are feeling with your doctor. You are a special man…I mean how many people would do for Dot what you Have! Come back here and let us know how you are doing. I am so glad your friend came through his surgery well and you would have been all over him if he had just said, Gimme the pain meds..I give up! You didn’t give up on Dot don’t give up on yourself. We care about you!
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Grey
Your wife had the right idea! Maybe you should take a page from her book and Fight for your life.
You never know what great things you were supposed to accomplish if you aren’t here to do them.
From your list of ailments it appears as though you have very little idea what you really have. FIND OUT!
or give up.
You only have one ride on this pony. Make it as long as you can.
Get the Information and get a PLAN!
George
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
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New Man! [/size]
If I had a doc tell me that I would have him backed up in a corner so fast he wouldn’t know what happened.Then I would get my records and hi-tail it out of there!! Is this what your wife would want. I am sure you are very proud of her, so make her proud.I heard you when you said you where not depressed. I think you are just tired. But don’t give up. LIVE for her. The lung thing could be just scare tissue.
T1,NO,MO battling bladder cancer since 2005
Catherine
Yep I think so as Im getting lots of mail about it,and have a supplement picked out as well. Course thats 4 months down the road. My friend that just had the heart surgery went on it last year and I think its all working well for him. Doug
Hey Doug… your first post says you are 64. Does Medicare kick in for you when you turn 65, and wouldn’t that pay for many of the things you have listed?
Best wishes… CatherineTURBT 1/21/10 at age 55
Dx: T2aN0M0 Primary Bladder Adenocarcinoma
Partial Cystectomy 2/25/10
Vanderbilt Medical Center
Nashville, TN
Mike
I would say you have a pretty good assement of where Im at. I havent gotten any answers as to stage or level of the bladder cancer,probably going to have to drive 30 miles to the hospital and do whatever to get the patholigy reports,my Doc just doesnt seem to want to share that info. All he says is its high,whatever that means .And the big surgery is the answer.Seems there should be something to try before that. The lung thing is just another problem,after being a smoker for 40 years what the heck could it be besides cancer , the melanomas could be another problem,then theres the thyroid that just changes every few months,and glocoma ,and cataracts that need surgery now but my INS has a rider on my policy and wont do anything eye related as it was prexcisting.
My pain is lower abdomin just a constant nagging dull pain,then every 1/2 hour to hour seems funny to expalin but my penis just starts hurting from base to tip. I go void and for a few minutes Im great no pain after 15 minutes or so the belly pain returns ,then by a 1/2 hour the other starts ,when it gets pretty uncomfortable I go void and the process starts over. At nite I sleep if lucky 1 1/2 hours then void back to sleep . Makes for a long not very restful nites.When I had the cystoscopy he did scrap all the tumor he could get out while he was in there,so I imagine its pretty raw inside. This morning I needed to go get groacery’s and said heck with it and took 2 5/500 vivodin about a 1/2 hour latter felt fine Ive been trying to just take one every 4 to 5 hours all that does is just dull it some,and its now been a few hours and its just starting again. I just want something that will control the pain. I think one problem is I just dont have that I want to live ,lets fight this thing anyway possible attitude,not that I want to die just dont think the big fight in my case is worth it to me . May change my mind but for now ,I just dont want to go thru all of it. As Ive said before watched my wife fight tooth and nail for three years ,most of which was pure hell,and still lost in the end . Who knows tomorrow I may wake and say lets fight this till the last breath,but in the mean time I just want something to relieve the pain… Doug
Doug,
What pain are you having? You shouldn’t be having any from the bladder at this stage.
Did you ever get your pathology report with the stage and grade?
Any other news on the melanoma?
I’m not sure about melanoma mets but I think that’s pretty bad. If that’s metastasized and nothing can be done, then I would guess I would understand your position on treatment.
However, bladder cancer that has not metastasized is VERY treatable unless one just ignores it.
Maybe for the benefit of others who will come to the site and read these stories later, you can fill in the details about the melanoma and mets and what the actual state of your bladder cancer is.
If the melanoma has not metastasized and the bladder cancer is contained in the bladder, then just getting pain meds (again–what pain?) is kind of like suicide by cancer. Ignoring cancer that CAN be treated and cured is kind of like standing on the train track but deciding not to move out of the way.
I’m guessing there is lots of additional information that we haven’t yet seen, but based on what you’ve said, I just don’t want people who read here later to get the wrong idea.
Sorry if I’ve crossed the line here but I just don’t get it.
What I think I understand is:
-You were just very recently diagnosed with bladder cancer (but you don’t know what stage or grade)
-Something showed up on the lungs but you don’t know what it is
-You have had melanomas but don’t know if there is metastasis from that or not
-You describe numerous classic symptoms of depression but claim to not be depressed (which is also a common claim by most people suffering from depression)
-You’ve decided that you are only going to get pain management as your treatment without even knowing your diagnosis or prognosis
-From the above, it sounds like you have chosen to die from cancer (even though you don’t even know what you have yet).Did I get that right? What am I missing?
Mike
Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results….distant mets
2/2014 ct result…spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph system
My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinion of ABLCS or anyone else. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV.
Hi Doug… This is my little female Lhasa named Kiko. She just wanted to say hi to you and Dot!
Best wishes… CatherineTURBT 1/21/10 at age 55
Dx: T2aN0M0 Primary Bladder Adenocarcinoma
Partial Cystectomy 2/25/10
Vanderbilt Medical Center
Nashville, TN
Catherine
Yep my friend is doing amazing ,havent been to see him yet as I wanted to give him a couple days to get setled back in.He has a Yorky that hasent left his side since he got home ,said his first nite home he slept better than he can remeber.probably go over Monday he only lives a few blocks away. And yes Im much relieved for him.
And living alone is a mixed bag, my brother says I research too much told him if the rolls were reversed he might have a differant attitude. Great young man well young to me he’s 50,and is having probably a harder time than me accepting whats happening.
Saw my Doc Fri and told him for now Im not doing anything except pain management . See my regular Doc this thurs and am sure she will harras me . Gonna see if she will take over the pain mangement . If for some reason she doesnt want to he will keep it up,he wants to see me in 6 weeks . Seems there should be something to do for now except surgery guess not. My script is for 1 or 2 5/500 vicodin every 4 to 6 hours. So far ive only been taking 1 every 4 to 6 hours,not getting the pain completely gone ,Just a slight ache in the tummy and gets a little stonger when I have to void.which is any where for 1/2 hour to 1 1/2 hours that go’s on 24/7 so sleep is at a premium so Im almost always tired.Guess maybe I will have to try 2 instead of one.
I will check in once in a while but dont really have anything new to say,just doin it a day at a time. Doug
Hello Doug (Grey),
I’m very happy that your friend’s surgery went so well. My sister had bypass about 12 years ago, plus about 4 angioplasties in that timeframe, and she’s still an amazingly active 70 year old grandmother and sports fanatic. She’s gone with me 8 times now on my 300-mile drive to Vanderbilt for my followups.
I hope his good recovery has taken some of the stress off you and lessened your worries about him being able to help you out some during your treatments.
You remind me so much of myself in that you have your furry best friend for company. I love the picture of you and Dot. I have two Lhasa Apsos who make me laugh out loud several times a day at their funny little ways. They are 9 years and 13 years old and on many days, they rescue me constantly from my own worries.
I don’t know about you, but I find that I have way too much time to think and over-analyze most everything when it comes to my cancer diagnosis and prognosis. Finding this site and having others to share some of my anxieties with has been such a huge help because before there was no one really to talk about it with. My family and friends do not want to hear me say that I have fears about the cancer returning, or that that is even a possibility. They just want to think the surgery fixed everything for good and that’s that. That left me feeling very isolated for the six months between surgery and stumbling upon ABCS and these amazing people.
I do hope you stay plugged in with us even if you don’t have any questions. Just check in to say hello, or see what funny comments have been posted by some of the regulars. Being able to find a little humor each day is such a saving grace during those times when our world looks humorless. Even “cranky” Mike is a pretty funny guy, and George cracks us up on a regular basis, along with several others. It’s a weird place to find fun, but somehow we manage to do that too.
I see lightening out the window so I’d better get off the computer. Give Dot a pat on that cute little head for me!
Catherine
Best wishes… CatherineTURBT 1/21/10 at age 55
Dx: T2aN0M0 Primary Bladder Adenocarcinoma
Partial Cystectomy 2/25/10
Vanderbilt Medical Center
Nashville, TN
Mike
I just want to say that if you are not a counceler of some kind you have really missed your calling. You say the greatest things, it seems like they are just what we all need to hear. Thanks, it makes me feel good too. Keep up the great work. And by the way you never came across as cranky to me.
Barbara
Dx 4-28-08
pT3a no mo
Rc with Ileal Conduit on 6-09-08
2nd surgery on 6-27-09 for ureter leak
Renal failure on 7-01-09 nephy tube and then stent on 7-09-09
so far so goodGreat news on your friend. My hubby also had 5 bypasses and made it another 28 yrs. I remember the hardest thing for him to do was laugh and he was a big laugher…that’s what hurt him the most but his recovery was phenominal.
Grey,
Great to hear that your friend is doing so well.
Hope the same for you.Mike
Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results….distant mets
2/2014 ct result…spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph system
My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinion of ABLCS or anyone else. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV.
Just a note to let ya’ll know Im still around ,just havent had any new questions lately . My friend that was helping me had open heart surgery Monday 5 bypass’s and I talked to him Tues evening and he has already been up and walking around. Doc’s said it went great and he is doing amazing ,and should possibly come home this weekend .Im so happy for him and his family..
Grey
I can understand how you feel. But not Exactly. We are all very different in the way we are affected by this huge brick wall of cancer. It involves every part of our being. Our friendships, families and relationships of every kind.My approach was to fight every day. This cancer thing was an enemy that needed to be vaanquished. But as time dragged by my tactics had to change. I became a “smell the flowers” kind of guy. I found a very small positive in the smallest kind of thing. I shortened the long view and started taking each day and finding hope in each experience.
I was doing fine until the day before my RC. My primary Dr. came to my front porch (I hung out there a LOT) and just wanted to talk. Things went fine until he said, ” I am not a believer in a God, but if you are, Now would be a good time to say some prayers. This is a big surgery.” Well, I was quite devastated. And the Positive energy I had stored up, came crashing down. The moral of this? Sometimes Dr.s don’t have ALL the right words. They tend to be clinical and somewhat cold. He was trying….. but he scared the beejesus out of me!
We can all say, “hang in there.” But it is different for everyone. The only constant is communication. With friends, family and cyber buddies. We don’t have all the right answers, and we don’t pretend to be experts, but we know something about depression. It comes along for a ride with this disease. The only way I found a way out was by “talking about it”
So….. Keep posting …… and we’ll Talk About It.
George
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]Sign In to reply.
