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A friend with cancer
I have Never talked about this but here it goes. My wife’s daughter in law has cancer and is not expected to live much longer. The minute she heard she had cancer she gave up. I can not help to think I could have talked her into fighting this, but her husband would not allow me to talk to her. He does not want me to interfere with his family. My wife said don’t push it, so I just butted out. The kids never did like me much, I guess because they think I got between their mother and father. I guess we will never know if I could have helped her or not.
T1,NO,MO battling bladder cancer since 20055 Replies-
I don’t know what to say except thank you all. Upnorth, I am humbled.
T1,NO,MO battling bladder cancer since 2005
If we had a like button on here, I’d have to say like…even if you did make me shed a tear, upnorth. So thankful for this forum and all that bladder cancer survivors, fighters, and caregivers are able to share with one another on it.
Anita
Anita
Forum Moderator
Caregiver
Doc, Don’t ever feel that you have failed when dealing with other peoples problems. You reached out to help, and they choose not to accept it. That is far more than most people will do in this type of situation.
Remember you reached out to help someone not to long ago and they did take you up on your offer. For that I and my family thank you very much.
All you can do is keep trying. The big guy only see’s what you have tried to do. He doesn’t judge you on what others think.
Age 55
Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
“Please don’t cry because it is over….. Smile because it happened!” {Dr. Seuss} :)
Catherine….. Nicely said.
Doc. I know you are feeling bad about this. It is so sad indeed. But in the end the patient has the ultimate power in the decisions they make about their care
George
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]
Hey Doc… I can tell this is weighing on you heavily. Sometimes circumstances are such that our help is unwanted, or even unwelcome, and we have to respect the boundaries others have set. That can be difficult when things happen to people we care about and we know they are suffering.
It sounds like you don’t have a path to help your daughter-in-law, but your wife will need your support as her DIL’s health deteriorates. Sometimes all we can do is just be available… and we have to find a way to be OK with that.
Don’t feel bad or guilty about bowing out. You offered, I’m sure multiple times, and your help was discouraged. I do hope the projections are wrong and maybe she will decide differently about fighting her battle, but in the end, it is her decision to make.
Best wishes… CatherineTURBT 1/21/10 at age 55
Dx: T2aN0M0 Primary Bladder Adenocarcinoma
Partial Cystectomy 2/25/10
Vanderbilt Medical Center
Nashville, TNSign In to reply.
