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85 year old Mom (against Chemo) What’s next?
My Mom awoke one early morning (the day after Thanksgiving 2016) to use the restroom to urinate with no pain but looked into the toilet and say all blood! She had a stone and UTI a year and a half ago before that went sepsis. She was very sick but came through. At that time the bladder was scanned and no tumors.
This recent event had another scan and a large tumor was found. Before Christmas, she had surgery to remove the tumor. We were told “we had to dig deep into the muscle to get it out – the size of her fist!). The Pathology report came back that said it was “Muscle Invasive Bladder cancer T2B”. Her Urologist suggested we see a surgeon and have the bladder removed. The surgeon did a scope (I saw the screen) and it showed on the right side yellow and white cotton like tumor that he said is what was left from surgery. He said “Ideally, we would do chemo/radiation, then remove the bladder and Uterus. 5 hr operation, two week stay in Hospital then Rehab for a few more weeks.” He said “You look pretty good for an 85 year old, I think you could do well through the surgery”. “Could”??
Well my Mom survived breast cancer (Mastectomy) 15 years ago and vowed NEVER to do chemo again as she had a VERY difficult time with it. She was only 69 then. When the Dr suggested this, she said NO CHEMO for me. That evening we had dinner and she couldn’t recall what the doctor said and when I explained, she said no chemo, “I rather just die”.
Everything I read basically says with Muscle invasive bladder cancer, you must do the chemo if you are considering the cystectomy.
Her mind is beginning to go as she asks me a lot what is wrong with her. “Is it my breast that has a problem?”.
My dilemma is this – Currently she has no signs of cancer from a pain point of view and clear urine. She said to the Surgeon “How could I have cancer if I feel this good?”. Do I want to take a chance w/o chemo? Do I put her through a 5 hr operation of MAJOR surgery? Do I confine her to the hospitals for months? What if she gets an infection? and finally, can she really manage caring for the bag? I hear that it is very difficult at late age to care for that bag and stoma without getting infections.
As her son and health advocate, I am leaning toward taking her to Florida for a week to enjoy the weather and then have her Geriatric Physician manage her Palliative care. I talk to her every day and see her at least 3 days a week. I am also financially able to provide nursing when needed. I was curious if anyone had a similar situation? Any honest comments are appreciated.Thanks