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Lost Relationship due to Cancer

11 years 1 month ago #9786 by Mike
Many people shun people with cancer.

Sad but true, but why would you want that type of person as a friend anyway ???

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11 years 1 month ago #9586 by dmartin12358


My problem now is a total lack of trust, because this has happened to me time and time again. I don't want to grow old and die alone, but I have no desire to put myself out there again, just to be kicked when I'm down. I don't have money for private therapy, and have been calling the local cancer support center, but their therapists seem to mostly work during the day, just like me. I can't believe this has hit me as hard as it has, but it has, and I do need to do something about it.

Connie


Hi Connie,
The trust thing is a biggie. Have you considered joining a cancer support group? They're free. If you're lucky enough to find a good one, they can be very helpful (and not just on the 'life and death' issues). People in my group (it meets twice a month but I attend once every month or two) bring up all kinds of issues, including the impact of cancer on relationships. The face-to-face conversations can be very helpful.

I happened to be going thru a divorce when I was diagnosed, and I found it interesting (well, actually I was pretty disappointed and more than a bit miffed) that my -ex never made an effort to wish me well. I was lucky to get great help from my kids (and a new woman I met after my breakup), though.

My two cents worth is that while cancer might be thought to be the cause of many relationships to fail, but it instead may instead only facilitate some couple's less than ideal partnership/marriage... I'm not saying this happened in your case, but after my diagnosis and surgery and all, I've come to question some of the things that I thought I 'knew'.



Dx 7/04, CIS + T1G3, Age 50
2 TURBTs
12 BCGs
Cystectomy 8/05 USC/Norris
So far, so good (kow)

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11 years 1 month ago #9421 by ConnieOnAQuest
Thanks to all who replied to me. I rejoice for those of you who have found someone you can trust to stick by you after suffering with someone who didn't.

Like you, Lauren, I do mention bladder cancer when I am dating someone, before the relationship gets too far along. But I don't think it really registers with them until the cancer is active.

I was thinking of having the words "I have cancer" tatooed on my forehead so the cowards can run when they see me coming and save us both some grief. Ok, just kidding. :)

My problem now is a total lack of trust, because this has happened to me time and time again. I don't want to grow old and die alone, but I have no desire to put myself out there again, just to be kicked when I'm down. I don't have money for private therapy, and have been calling the local cancer support center, but their therapists seem to mostly work during the day, just like me. I can't believe this has hit me as hard as it has, but it has, and I do need to do something about it.

Connie

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11 years 1 month ago #9394 by lhpdogs
Connie,

My ex was as ignorant as he could be when I became diabetic 8 years ago..I wasn't allowed to MENTION anything about healthy eating, blood sugar, carbs, etc or he would tell me how "sick he was of hearing about it".. but in front of people, he swore he'd take care of me no matter what happened... it was all for show.

In an ironic twist, I was diagnosed with BC (TaG1) just 6 months after he left me for another woman (and, oh dear, her name was Connie. :o.).. so I dealt with my cancer alone, and it was better, all the way around. I can just imagine how he would have dealt with that!

Remember, your strength comes from inside of you.. and support can come from many places. I am dating again, and I tell a man after a few dates... if he's going to skip out, I'd rather he do it sooner than later. So far, so good...I have to explain alot about the true "non-invasive" part of the cancer (which has not returned so far, since the initial diagnosis in Dec. 05)...

Best of luck to you,
Stay Strong, Remain Fearless!

Lauren

TaG1 12/05
3 recurrences
BCG started 9/09

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11 years 1 month ago #9091 by timb
im lucky to have been cared for in 2 relationships in the course of my long illness and was married last week to an amazing person. she has been an absoloute pillar of strength for me and continues to be. unfortunately some people find cancer hard to deal with and I have had friends give me a wide berth during my treatments. In fact a close friend who didn't visit me around the time of my cystectomy and just after finally contacted me with the words "I'm sorry, I'm just not very good with situations like that". I'm torn between admiration for his honesty and disgust at the lack of loyalty and general wimpiness. god forbid he should ever be in a situation like that! some people are just not "fit for purpose", connie. but there are lots of lovely people out there who'll stand by you whatever you are facing. don't give up. the jerks are the exception and not the rule in my experience.

Tim

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11 years 1 month ago #9076 by wsilberstein

My wife of 13 years divorced me and left me alone with my 5 year old son and 7 year old daughter within 6 months of my T1G3 diagnosis.

She not only left you. She left the kids. That has to tell you something about where her head was at with regard to putting any effort into life. You were probably the caretaker in the relationship.

-Warren
TaG3 + CIS 12/2000. TURB + Mitomycin C (No BCG)
Urethral stricture, urethroplasty 10/2009
CIS 11/2010 treated with BCG. CIS 5/2012 treated with BCG/interferon
T1G3 1/2013. Radical Cystectomy 3/5/2013, No invasive cancer. CIS in right ureter.
Incontinent. AUS implant 2/2014. AUS explant...

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