Hi again,
If he wants to talk to me or my husband I would be happy to tell him! There are some things that are worth a risk, this is just not one of them. Have him speak to a professional about the neo bladder, he will still be able to "Pee Standing Up", which at one time was a very important thing to my husband. Now he is so weak from the Chemo he is sitting anyway, or leading on the wall.
He needs to realize that choosing not to do the surgery isn't going to stop the pain, or the cancer. The only chance to stop both at this point is the surgery. Even if he chooses not to have it, he is still going to be in pain, does he realize this? He needs to accept it, It sucks either way I know but it is really the only "LIVING" opton. Tell him to take the lesser of 2 evils which right now is removal. Once the cancer spreads, the pain is unbearable, and there is nothing but pain medication, and hospice then. There is life after removal, but it is highly likely there won't be without it. I am sorry if I sound angry, but men can be so infuriating! Their lives don't center around their penis' or at least they shouldn't!! Men are so afraid of the urologist, and the proctologist that they let things get beyond help. Just to save alittle embarrasment! I think that little boys should be required to get exams at puberty just like girls, then maybe the stigma would go away. They would be used to being "looked at" before the age of 40! Ask him if he would think of you less if you had your breasts removed due to cancer??? Love is so much deeper, and more important than all of this superficial crap. I know it is a tough decision, but it needs to be made. He could be almost completely healed and cancer free by the holidays. Or he could wait till the new year and see where the cancer has decided to go after it destroys the bladder. Maybe the lungs, he will have trouble breathing, the heart, the liver, the kidneys, the brain, the bones. All of those places look so healthy and inviting to this agressive, evasive cancer. Stop it in its tracks before it gets on the Lymph Node super highway! Talk to him as bluntly as I have. Sometimes you need to scare the shit out of some people to get their attention. This is real, it is happening, what road are you going to take. Bottom line...No more waiting.........